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Dear Ms. Snead,
We offer our sincerest congratulations, as we, Hell Incorporated, wish to extend to you an offer of employment. We have had a recent opening within our upper management team, and have selected you as the top candidate for the job. If you choose to join us at here at HellCorp, you will be provided with luxury housing, private transportation, and a salary of your choosing--within reason, of course.
You will be provided one week to respond to this offer. We need an answer by March 3, and cannot afford to wait a single moment beyond. Should you decline, we will need to make other arrangements, and we prefer to operate under a highly efficient schedule.
You may contact our CEO, Mr. Luc Fieri, directly with your response and/or any questions, at 666-6666. We hope to see you soon, and thank you for your consideration.
Hell Incorporated,
Corporate Headquarters
666 Inferno Ave.
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I've been staring at the letter for two days now, and still haven't decided what to do about it.
No one seems to know exactly what it is that HellCorp does, but they exclusively hire the best and brightest, paying salaries most people only dream of. They top the Fortune 500 list every year, and always seem to hold their own among the biggest players in the stock market. Normally, this would be a no-brainer, but given the circumstances I'm still skeptical.
The thing is, I never applied to HellCorp. It's just about the only company I didn't apply to.
I've been job searching since the day I graduated high school, and still haven't gotten a single call or interview in response. Last week, I turned twenty, meaning that I've been unemployed for two years. With no other place to go, I've been burdening my parents and feeling generally useless to society. For two years.
My family has never been wealthy, and despite my best efforts I was only an average high school student. I knew early on that a job straight out of high school was my only real option, because they don't exactly give full college scholarships out to just anybody.
When I first got the letter I'd assumed it was a cruel practical joke and thrown it straight in the trash, but my nosy parents just had to get involved. They've been so desperately waiting for me to move out, and this letter was the perfect golden opportunity they'd been dreaming of. Thanks to their oh-so-loving parental instincts, I am now left with an ultimatum: accept the job and move out, or get kicked out.
No amount of begging or pleading seemed to make a difference to my cause, and they still absolutely refuse to accept the obvious truth that this isn't a real job offer. Left with no other options but to bear the humiliation and make the call, I grit my teeth and curse my parents for putting me through this hell. Whoever wrote this letter certainly picked an aptly named company to taunt me with.
To my genuine shock, someone answers the call on the second ring, her feminine voice shrill and impatient.
"Hello, you've reached Luc's office, CEO of HellCorp. This Jenny speaking, may I ask what this call is in reference to?"
"H-hi. M-my name is Valerie Snead. I'm calling about a letter---"
"Ohh! Ms. Snead, it's a pleasure to meet you." She cuts me off, her voice still impatient but now audibly more engaged in the interaction. "I'll connect you right away, just stay on the line, alright?"
Before I can respond, instrumental music fills my ears and I quickly recognize that I've been put on hold. After a brief pause, the music stops and the line reconnects.
"Good afternoon, Valerie. I was beginning to wonder when I'd hear from you."
His voice is smooth, but dangerous, and something about the way my name sounds on his lips sends an ominous shiver down my spine. As the CEO he obviously has no qualms about the appropriateness of using my first name. The man is far too powerful to worry about something so trivial.
Then again, I'm pretty trivial in general, comparatively. Absolutely nothing about this makes any sense.
"I'm sorry, sir. I.. well I wasn't sure whether or not this was for real.."
A low chuckle meets my ears, and I feel a bit relieved that he finds me amusing. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all. What if it really is just a stroke of luck?
"Why ever would you think such a thing?"
"Because, I mean no offense but why would you offer me this position? I haven't sent in an application and surely I'm under qualified.."
"On the contrary, I consider you to be uniquely qualified."
His words puzzle me, and I can't wrap my head around any of this. What could possibly make me qualified? I've never been "uniquely qualified" for anything in my life! Unless...
Does he think I'm some other Valerie Snead?
That has to be what's happened here. Maybe she sent in an application, and we got our wires crossed!
"Are you sure you have the right Valerie Snead?"
"Quite. I do not make mistakes."
I'm sure he's wrong. I mean, he has to be. But he spoke with such an air of finality and I don't want to anger him by pushing the issue. The menacing undercurrents in his voice intimidate me-- something tells me I really don't want to end up on his bad side. Considering the nagging ultimatum at hand, I realize the only choice left here is to accept the job and see what happens.
Hopefully he won't be too harsh when he discovers I'm not right for the job...
"I guess I accept the offer, then. What do I need to do next?"
"Wonderful. A car will be sent to your current address tomorrow at precisely seven o'clock in the morning. Be ready, with your belongings packed. Tardiness will not be tolerated."
The line drops with a "click", and I know there is no argument to be had. I don't want to test his patience by refusing his demands.
It seems that I leave tomorrow morning.
It's obviously going to be a complete and total disaster. But hey, at least for a day or two my parents will be thrilled. And the smugness I will feel when they see how right about this I am just might even be a small consolation.
Setting the phone down on my night stand, I hop off the bed, put on my best "loving daughter" expression, and head off to tell my parents the news.
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Thanks for reading!! I'm pretty excited about the plans I have for this book. 📚
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Much love❤
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YOU ARE READING
Like Hell
Paranormal"Welcome to HellCorp, have a miserable afterlife!" Valerie Snead is unemployable. Or at least she must be, because every position she's ever applied for has completely shut her down. Until now. A mysterious job offer arrives by mail, inviting her...
