Friends... That word..... Just.... Hurts to say....... I could never understand why.... Until today that is...... I had met up with my friend Adrianne at suicide hill, which we had named it that because of how painstaking it was to go up it.... We went to the grey bridge, crossing it and turning In the direction of my friend Brooke's house.... when we had arrived, she was happy to see us. Her mother had given us some chips to munch on, I of course, took the spicy doritos... After we decided to walk around... Yeah, it was fun.... But I felt uneeded.... unwanted.... I had started slowly falling behind, dragging along a wooden stake marker that I'd found this morning... But then suddenly, they wanted to invite somebody whom I assumed was obviously was more important than me..... My shattered heart sunk lower and lower as they squealed and giggled, saying that they couldn't wait to see him..... me and my friends went to burger king to meet up with him....we got iccee's as we waited, Brooke shaking and almost about to cry out of joy.... Nobody had ever been that excited to see me...... The entire time I was with them, my smile had been fading and coming back constantly... but now..... it was almost totally gone.... what was left of it was a small, sad smile of me realizing how much of a piece of trash I am..... I put on a fake smile for my friend's, hoping they wouldn't notice... but at last the other person came.... after he cam me into bhrger king, we all went outside.... Then he pulled out a cigarette and started to smoke..... as we walked, he'd called me the "N" word at least three times for no reason..... so on our way back, I decided to go home, taking my shortcut down the small hill.... as I did, I heard him say "... I have a tazer on me...." What really hurt me is that my friends clearly didn't realize I wasn't comfortable around him, or that I didn't like him...... This just broke me completely as I sadly trudged down the shortcut, going around my fence and heading inside.... going to my room, tablet in hand... To write this...... And yes, you'll all just tell me to go kill myself, or to quit being a baby... but I can't, i'm just a giant softy.... I can be tough, yeah... I can hurt, no... kill.... somebody if I wanted to. But I choose not to..... I just want to be nice, to just joke around be chill..... I want to be the guy everynody can go to if they need a shoulder to cry on.... if they need a hug.... or they just need somebody to listen to their problems.... I want to not feel like trash all the time...., I want to help, I want to try.... but when crap like this happens.... it just drags me down deeper into the hole, me clinging desperately to ok theedge, trying to keep myself up..... But no matter what I do, I can only get one leg over the edge before getting draged back down again...... And everyone just sits there and watches me struggle to climb back up, offering help, but then taking their hand away and laughing..... the only one's who truly try to help are my girlfriend and a few of my friends..... they all pull and try to lift me, but the monster wont let go.........
Brooke, Addy, if you see this..... well..... don't bring it up........
