Nervous

Alexa

"Alexa, that's a beautiful name"

"Thank You"

"What brings you to see me today?"

That was one hell of a good question. "Dr. Spencer what's the definition of insanity?" I asked her, unable to meet her eyes with my own. "I know what I've heard"

"What have you heard"

"That insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a diffrent result"

"Do you believe that?"

"No, not really. I believe that's just something a self-proclaimed prophet made up to sugarcoat the term."

She giggled "Interesting thought"

"I think I'm insane. I think I've been insane for a very ong time."

"What makes you say that?"

"Strange things. Things I can't remember."

"I'm not following you."

I knew disscusing matters would be complicated but I was shaking like a leaf. I was scared, but the thought of walking out of her office and facing my life the way it had been for the past fifteen years was even worse.

"Nasty, vile things written in my hand writing that I don't remember writing. People accusing me of things I don't recall doing. I mean, all of them can't be mistaken right?"

"All of them?"

"My daddy. People I went to school with. Everyone who's ever accused me of something."

"Could you please elaborate?"

"Really bad things started to happen"

"What sorts of things?"

The tears started falling before I felt them coming. "I can't do this." I wiped my tears with my bare hand. I'm sorry but I just can't."

"Alexa please continue. I can't help you unless you confide in me."

I was so ashamed, but it had to come out. " The reason I think I'm insane is because I wake up sometimes and I'm wearing clothes I've never seen, my hair is curled instead of up,my glasses are tossed someplace, a couple of times they were even broken, and there's the other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

I clamped my eyes shut. I'd never felt so degraded. "Dr. Spencer, sometimes there are strange smells on my body, on my breath, Sometimes there's sticky stuff between my legs and---"

"Are you telling me you've had sex with men and don't remember it?"

"That's the really crazy part, Dr. Spencer"

"Please call me Marcella"

"Marcella, I've never been with a man. I've never had sex but---"

"But?"

"Somehow I managed to break my hymen and even contract one veneral disease"

"How do you know that"

"An OB/GYN told me. My freshman year in college something happened to me. I had gone to the library one day to study and I somehow blacked out. Afterward I went to the campus clinic because I was sore down there and I didn't know why."

"And this has been happening ever since then"

"yes, it has"

"I'm afraid. What's wrong with me? Am I really insane?

"No I don't think you're insane. If you were insane you wouldn't have sought me out to help you. And I will help you Alexa. I promise you that."