Reality

Dos

If you're wondering why it's called dos. It's because the people who know him in real life know that I created his nickname as Dos. Because he had two letters in his name and me and my best friend both liked him.

***

"Very funny," Sage said sarcastically. 

"Was that sarcasm. I can never tell the difference," I replied knowing I was being heard by him. Of course, that was all I could think about. I kept obsessing over te fact that he had chosen to sit the closest to me and not next to Sage. Sage was his friend I was the girl who he led on for a year. He probably didn't remember, the Fifth grade was a long time ago. I knew he remembered Louisa though. After all, I don't think he could forget. Does he know how much it hurt to watch him choose her, my best friend? Probably not. Thank god it was fifth grade and they didn't stay together for very long. Part of me was ecstatic for Louisa she had liked him so much. Pat of me, the part that usually won, cried to sleep. I really hated myself for liking him in the first place. Louisa liked him first. I was such a jerk. Who starts liking their best friends crush. It was probably just the fact that I just happened to be assigned the seat next to him. Being forced to talk to him. Even back then he had a dirty mind. I think he prepared me for middle school. He was the only reason I wasn't absolutely shocked by the constant innuendos. Not long he began to talk to me without me having to instigate the conversations and I felt special. I was so stupid to feel special. I remember thinking Louisa won't care she doesn't even talk to him. Who thinks that selfishly. When he stuck by my side on that field trip I was ecstatic. Thinking there was no doubt he liked me. Then Avery just had to find something written in his journal.  I like Louisa. When I saw those words I was heart broken. I grabbed the journal and looked at the date. It was the day after the field trip. I felt so tricked. Like everything was a lie. I didn't want to cry so I channeled every one of my feelings into my anger. I, of course, told Louisa. She was so happy it made me almost forget everything I could just pretend nothing happened. I would force myself to not care about them even if they got together. The next day I spent the day avoiding him, but he managed to trap me at recess. He asked me if Louisa knew and I said yes. He asked me if she liked him and I replied yes. Then he asked me to ask her out for him. I would have been happy for him and her. The fact was though he asked me I think he knew. No, I knew he knew. I thought it was a cruel joke. I thought he couldn't possibly ask me such a thing. I thought he would at least have some sympathy. Suddenly, I realized everyone would know. Everyone probably did. I realized he was probably going to laugh at me to his friends. I bet he thought that I might make a scene. I was never going to be that girl so I lifted my chin up high, placed my best smile on, and said yes. Of course, Louisa said yes and asked me to deliver the message and I did. I had never been so pathetic. The following weeks I stopped speaking to him and began to hate him. He never did instigate another conversation. After Louisa and he broke up I convinced myself I was not bitter I just hated him in general. 

Two years later here I was. Letting him affect me. Sage replied with a mumbled, "I don't know." Sage was always one to avoid confrontation. Even if I was a pretty good friend. A few minutes later the other science teacher walked in. We were all in another class so she looked at us before coming into the study lab to get papers.

"Of course everyone in her class are hard workers," she said jokingly implying her class was full of slackers. She looked at Sage and said, "Oh how wonderful. Sage is being an angel as always," Then as she exited the study lab she said, "I'm so happy all my students have asked to come here to get their work done." she said sarcastically. 

After she was gone "They have," I questioned genuinely wondering who in the lab was in her class. 

Then he finally spoke up. " She was being sarcastic," he said looking at me. 

"Well, I said I can-"

"Can't tell sarcasm. I know," He shot me a smile, that damned smile and chuckled quietly before turning back to his work. I felt my heart squeeze and relax like an accordion. I forced a smile back and turned back to my own work. I acted like I wasn't affected by the fact that he actually listened to what I had said. I spent the rest of the class thinking about what he would think about everything I said. I was right back in fifth grade. I was pathetic. I thought I hated him. I tried so hard to hate him. I wanted so badly to hate him. Now I only hate myself.

Two years of not speaking to him and one short conversation is enough to make my heart tighten in my chest. 

Two years of hating him and one smile lets go of the reservoir of feelings I had trapped.

Two years ago I thought I  got rid of my feelings and burned every bridge. I was wrong.

Two years ago my best friend also liked you. I don't think we both ever fully moved on. Now I'm trapped.

***

Witch_Hunter tell me how you feel about this honestly?