Dear Diary

Chapter One

August 28th, 2017

I wouldn't speak. They looked at me concerned. I was cornered. My parents on one side and strange doctors on the other. They were talking to me, asking me questions but I couldn't answer them. I wasn't so sure in anything anymore. I refused to speak.
"Beth?" My mother said softly, touches my shoulder and flinch away from her staring at the wall. "She hasn't spoken in weeks, doctor. I'm worried."
"She's been through a lot, yes." The doctor agrees. "Has she been harming herself?" He asks quietly, thinking I couldn't hear or wasn't paying attention but I could hear everything. I was taking everything all in. I was still here no matter how much I wanted to disappear, I was still here. I could feel the marks on my wrists, like fire under my skin. It was the only way I could tell if I was still alive or not. It's become a natural thing for me to do. I couldn't feel the pain when I do it and I've blackened out and woke up with new marks on my arms. I couldn't control what I was doing anymore. My mother sobs and nods. "We can't get her to stop. She doesn't respond to us at all like she's not all here. After she seen Chandler that day--" I whipped my head around and stared her down. She gasped at my sudden movement. Chandler. "Murderer." I whispered, hoarsely. It's been a while since I spoke and I almost forgot how to. But Chandler. I see him in my dreams, he's always on my mind.
"Oh honey, he can't hurt you. He's in jail, locked up, okay?" She says to me but I don't respond. I was already seeing red and my anger began to boil. Soon boiling over I black out waking up screaming his name. I was strapped to the hospital bed. My mother sobbing in the corner and my father over me trying to talk to me. I calm down suddenly confused on what had happened but seeing to blood on the doctor's arm told me everything. I freaked out when I heard Chandler's name and I must have attacked him.

I'm sorry, I think to myself, I couldn't bring myself to actually speak. I become mute once more. I watch the doctor clean himself up as my father apologizes to him over and over.
"We have to send her out." My mother says. She was still crying, and she lookalike at me and mouths I'm sorry. If only you knew mother, I'm the sorry one.

I stared out the window the whole time while my mother and father argued on the way home. "She attacked the doctor when he tried to calm her down, Johnathan."
"I know, but, we--"
"We've done all we can." My mother interrupted. "She needs professional help. We aren't doing her any good. She's getting worse." She sighed and grabbed my fathers hand. "This is hard for me too but we really to worry about Beth's well being. She's not going to get better here. We don't know what we're doing."
After a moment of silence my father finally sighed heavily, "y-you're right." He speaks softly. Throughout this whole ride I didn't know what to think. Did I want to get better? I know I was torturing my parents but I couldn't bring myself to stop I couldn't control my actions anymore.
When the car is put in park I get out and head toward the house, opening the door my mother speaks, "dinner will be ready soon, would you like to come down for dinner?" I didn't want to face them, I didn't respond and headed to the guest bedroom. I wouldn't stay in my own bedroom because of all the emotions still built up in there. I was too afraid of opening the door and it all flooding back. I laid on the bed and began to drift off to sleep. This was my last night in my own house.