Stories Of Keith Kogane and Cole Autherium

PTSD

  Cole tended to walk around during the night when she couldn't sleep. It was a habit. One thing she hated was that, even after all the crazy space shit and battles and near death experiences she'd been through she assumed that would overwrite her past. The way she grew up still haunted her somehow. It wasn't fair. She still had nightmares, still felt emotionally detached. Still fucking hated herself. Hated herself for hating herself. It was stupid in her opinion. She'd sit down in one of the rooms in the ship with big glass windows and peer out into the emptiness of space. One night Keith Kogane had been walking around he stumbled upon Cole's little space. He had stood near the door for a really long time, not exactly wanting to intrude on her space.
"I know you're there. You gonna stare forever Mullet or are you gonna come in?" She said, her voice was laced with a pain Keith wanted to make disappear The ravenette entered and crossed the large room over to the window Cole was leaning against. She never turned to look at him. He silently sat down beside her and continued to say nothing. After a few moment Cole spoke up.
"Y'know, my Dad left me when I was 4." Keith looked at her in surprise. "My Mom and older brother were a bit abusive. I raised three of my younger siblings, lived on the streets, stole food and clothes, had straight F's in school and my Mother was never around. Child neglect is what the state called it." Cole pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her cheek on them as she looked out the window. "I was seperated from my family, not that I really cared, my twin threatened me with knives, my half sister was always stealing, my little brother was always setting things on fire, I couldn't care less that they were gone. But that only added to the list of people who had left me. I grew up in foster home after foster home but no one wanted to keep me." Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and Keith inched closer. "I thought if I ate less, drank less, spoke less, stayed in my room more, that I could stay because I wouldn't be in the way. That didn't stop people from kicking me out."
"Cole." Keith said, a hand on her shoulder. This was... a lot.
"I was diagnosed with clinical PTSD, moderate depression and moderate anxiety. It sounded like I had a lot of problems. It made me feel more broken." Cole turned her head to the red paladin, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm broken Keith. I looked up the symptoms of PTSD and a lot of things made sense. The nightmares, the flashbacks, how I avoided the problem at every turn and how much I really hate myself. Because I think it's my fault. I still do." Cole stared at the boy in front of her. She needed someone to spill her secrets to and she knew Keith wouldn't tell anyone. Keith's strong arms opened wide. Cole dove into his arms and let herself sob into his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her. "I still hate myself Keith. I never know what to do. I'm not good enough. How could anyone love me when I can't?" Keith's grip tightened around her.
"Give me a chance to love you." He said without thinking. He could do something for her. He hadn't expected his confession to turn out this way but whatever.
"Keith, you can't." The male pushed her away slightly only so he could take her face in his hands and look at with pure determination and desire.
"Watch me."
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