Alren snapshots

Left out

This is not set in a particular time, but over a period of time and will jump from time to time. Will be set from mainly Ally's POV.

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Have you ever been amongst a group of people but felt alone, that's how I feel right now. Let me start by introducing myself, my name is Ally and I am a member of the girl group Fifth harmony, oh and I am also in a sort of secret relationship with Lauren, the green eyed goddess of the band. I say sort of secret relationship because we are out to our families, the girls and some of our team but that is it. We don't want our relationship to get in the way of Fifth Harmony the group.

Anyway back to the story, I am currently on a tour bus with the girls and our band.  We have not long finished a show and we are driving overnight to our next venue.  I don't know what is wrong with me lately but I feel like I don't belong in the band anymore.  I question if the girls or our team even like me and don't even get me started with our fans, don't get me wrong but I will also thankful for the support they have given us over the last four and bit years but I know they would be happier if I just left.  I have even been questioning if Lauren even loves me and I know she could be with someone much better then me.  Lauren's looks are out of this world and I am just ugly.

So right now we are all sitting at the back of the bus, everyone is talking and I am sitting there away from everybody and not once has someone involved me in the conversation. I slowly stood up and walked away and no one even glanced my way. Normally me and Lauren share her bunk together but tonight I didn't feel like it so I climbed into my bunk and cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up the bus had stopped moving and everything around me was silent. Checking the time on my phone I noticed it was the next morning so I climbed out of my bunk and saw that the bus was completely empty. As I still had a while before I had to be at sound check I decided to go for a walk, only taking my ATM card and some cash with me leaving my phone behind.  I walked around for a while praying no one recognised me before deciding heading back to the venue as I had no idea of the time.

After getting some more clothes from the bus I walked into the venue, when suddenly Lauren run past me. Sure she stopped gave me a quick kiss on the lips and carried on running but that was the only interaction I had with her the whole day.

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There is only so many hurtful words that you can read about yourself before you start to believe them.  I read everyday the words on twitter about me being fat, ugly, annoying, untalented and how the girls would be so much better without me holding them back.  Every show that we do I have to hear the crowds screaming for the others while I get silence when I sing.  I try not to let these things get to me but after hearing and reading them over and over again they must be true. Everyone sees me as the sunshine of the group who is always positive but I am hurting on the inside. I just want to curl up into a ball and never wake up.

I have cut down on my eating, only eating something small each day. I have started to exercise more, going for a run every morning and night (and sometimes in the afternoon) but the biggest change is I have stopped talking only talking when asked a question, now everybody that knows me knows I love to talk, ask Dinah and she will tell you I can talk to a tree.

After two weeks of not eating I am sitting in my hotel room that I have by myself when I hear a knock at the door, after calling out to ask who it is (another thing I hate about myself, I am to short to see through the peep hole), I hear Dinah reply "Smallz, let me in".  I open the door and then walk back to my bed. Dinah slowly walks over to the bed and sits down, placing her hand onto my back before asking softly "are you okay Smallz?". Not having any words for Dinah I just shrug my shoulders and I feel the bed moving. Before I know what's happening Dinah lays down on the bed and pulls me to lay down on top of her, feeling a comfort that I have not felt for a while I burst into tears while Dinah does nothing but rubs my back and tells me that it will be okay.

I wake up the next morning after having the best sleep I've had in awhile to realise that I am still laying on top of Dinah, I go to climb of her only for her to wrap her arms more tight around me and say to me "you are not going anywhere, I have missed my Allyson sunshine cuddles" I let out a small laugh before replying "but if you don't let me up I'm gonna pee myself and as I am laying on you, I will pee all over you". Dinah quickly let go of me and told me to hurry up and come back for Biggie Smallz cuddles. After finishing in the bathroom I walked back over to the bed and did just that. Dinah kissed my forehead before saying to me "I know you are going through something and that you will tell us when you are ready but I just want to say that we love you and are here for you, and you need to spend some time with that girl of yours cause she is driving as all crazy with her worry and questions".

After Dinah left my room I made the decision that I need to sort myself out and start loving myself. I also need to fix the relationship with the most important person in my life, Lauren.

I got dressed in the most comfy clothes I owned for once not worrying about how I looked. I checked that I had everything I needed before making my way to Lauren's room.

I took a deep breath before knocking on the door, after waiting a few seconds the door opened to reveal the most beautiful girl in the world, I took a closer look at her and the automatically feel more guilty then I already do when I notice that she has been crying and looks exhausted. I close my eyes and take another deep breath trying to find the right words to say when I suddenly jump when I feel a hand on my face. I open my eyes to find a beautiful pair of green eyes staring at me, using the hand on my face she tilts my head up and kisses me. To shocked to respond I feel Lauren start to pull away and that's when I come to my senses and start to kiss back, I wrap my arms around her neck and gently push her backwards so we are no longer standing in the doorway. Once we are in the room I kick the door shut with my foot and Lauren pushed me up against the door with a thud, we both jumped apart when we heard a knock on the door followed by Dinah shouting "hey Lauser I hope that's Ally in there with you and not some hoe". Lauren went red in the face before replying "of course its Ally, you idiot!".

Lauren then looked at me and smiled, she took me by my hand and lead me over to her bed. Just before we got to the bed she looked at me and said "I no we really need to talk but first I just want to lay down and hold you in my arms". I looked at her with a small smile and laid on the bed, Lauren laid next to me and I rolled over and struggled into her, breathing in the smell that is purely Lauren.  I felt Lauren place a gentle kiss onto my forehead before I feel asleep again.

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Part 2 will be coming soon