You Should Be Mine (JuAri)

Old Habits

Ariana thumbed through the wedding magazine. This beautiful bride on the cover could be her? Really? She could be wearing that white gown, adorned with flowers, and have a huge smile plastered to her face?

That would just be a dream come true. Getting married was one of the things she wanted most in her life, along with chart topping songs (got 'em), having supporters who were like family, maybe writing a book, and one other one she could think of- having a child.

And she was going to knock down two of those goals pretty damn soon.

Which was more than she could hope for. But Justin... was he marrying her solely because she was pregnant and that would be the "right thing to do"? Was suddenly hit with a pang of guilt. She had never thought of this before and coming to it face to face now, looking down at pictures of cute flowergirls and pretty bridesmaids, Ariana felt herself wrench in a bit a shame and despair. She was swooning over an expensive wedding when this really was her own fault. And Justin wasn't ready. And she wasn't ready. No, not at all. 

It had only been maybe a week after the harrassment from Patrick, and Dan, who was very considerate, filmed the rest of the scenes of Romeo and Juliet (Patrick and Ariana) seperately. 

They had not been on the same set for about 5 weeks now, because the director had been very careful in arranging the schedules this way and Ariana and Justin were very thankful. How Patrick felt, Ariana had no idea. They hadn't been in contact since the incident and she had lost his number and information all together. Her fans reveled when she blocked him from social media, which she felt had embarrassed Patrick quite a bit, but all she really cared for at the point was putting up a wall inpenetrable. Which was impossible. The paparazzi had really jumped on this. 

Star magazine had said "Justin Bieber forcing his girlfriend to stay away from Patrick Schwarzenegger!" A gossip website had reported that "Bieber flies into a jealous rage after less than 2 months with Ariana Grande".

Ariana was irked. Had they no shame? Why was this all about Justin? This was between her and Patrick. Justin had no deal with it. Why pull him in? She had no problem with her being reported as a "snarky bitch" or something like that- in fact- she was waiting for it. But the media saw what they wanted to see. And little, innocent Ariana was just little, innocent Ariana. She could do no wrong apparently.

No doubt, if they found out she had a baby, they'd blame it all on Justin again. Just because they could.

And it would be complete, utter bullshit, like always. And it would get on the cover of everything- magazines begging to stay relevant and tons of websites. Why did anyone care? She had just wanted to be with Justin. It was all so stupid. And now that she was finally in his arms- all this trouble was coming. 

~

Justin came into the room, and closed the door behind him. He looked over and saw Ariana and immediately set down the groceries and came towards her. "Ariana," he said, obviously worried.

She frowned at him, "Yes?"

He wrapped his arm around her, "Baby girl, what happened?"

Ariana shrugged, "I don't know, I'm okay." Feeling Justin's protection really helped. It was so comfoting to feel the presence of another human after being out only 2 days out of that week to shoot for a few hours then hurrying abck to Justin's place. She hadn't gone back to her house yet, although she talked to Frankie a bit over the phone.

Justin smiled slightly, "Babe, you were crying." He wiped his thumb under her eye and came up with the runny mascara.

She sniffled, "Oh, sorry. I didn't know."

Justin looked down at the magazine she had in her hands. She was clenching it tightly and her slim fingers seemed to be holding on tight to the page.

"Oh," he grinned, "what's that you're reading?" He could see by the lady on the front what kind of magazine it is. When he first came in, he had been afraid it was a gossip magazine, but seeing it wasn't one of those, he relaxed more. So Ariana wasn't crying over a bogus rumor.

Ariana blushed immediately, "None of your business. I'm just- researching."

Justin laughed, "Oh God, I love how sensitive the pregnancy makes you."

Ariana shuddered at that word. Justin was so free to use it, but she still had trouble getting over that she was truely pregnant. It just scared her a bit. And she felt bad, because she shouldn't be anything less than elated about her future child, but... this just... it was very much to take in. She had no idea how Justin was so open and okay with it. Was it all an act?

"Justin..." Ariana whispered.

He had noticed her shaking and he looked at her gently. She looked so scared. And that make him worried. Justin had hired some of Hollywood's best wedding planners whom were completely discreet. And it was all coming like a train towards him. He wasn't on the track and he wasn't going to die, but he could feel the rush of the air of the train coming and the sounds of it ramming on the rails. And he was standing at the pavement, Ariana in his arms. And he could feel that in the train that was approaching- there were people in there. And somewhere in there- innocent crying from a baby.

"Hm?" Justin sounded.

Ariana looked up at him, wide eyed. She mustered up all her strength and got prepared for him to answer and possibly confirm her fears. "Are you marrying me because of the baby?" she asked. Her fingers were lingered on the magazine now. And she felt very horrible holding it. She wanted to throw it on the ground.

"I'm marrying you because I love you, you want to get married, and we have a baby," Justin answered, kissing the top of her head, "I think those are all good reasons. I love you and want the best for you and our baby, Ari."

Ariana nodded, "I love you too. But-" she could see hesitation in Justin's eyes, but she was much too tired and scared to confront it. She's been having violent morning sickness- very early too. Justin's had his private doctor come in and inspect her yesterday and he had said that it was because she was malnourished. 

Justin was surprised but not surprised when the doctor had said malnourished, because Ariana was very thin, no doubt and once it was said, it all made sense. But on the other hand, Justin had always seen her as such a healthy, happy person and to find out that she "malnourished" herself... well, of course Ariana denied the claim, but the doctor put her on a very strict diet of at least 2500 calories per day.

So Ariana listened, because she cared very much about her baby. She was home very much and Justin usually went out to buy stuff. She just couldn't be seen outside. She was much too weary to battle flashing lights and aggressive questions.

She stayed home and ate, even though she usually didn't. Maybe she was a bit anorexic. She only ate 1200 calories a day or less most of the time, which she had cautiously asked the doctor about, being careful to make it seem like a question of curiosity. He had told her that that amount of calories was actually starving level and that some Holocaust workers were fed that much.

Ariana was a bit saddened by herself. Still, to make sure her baby would be okay, she ate the amount she should... and she puked it right back out.  And she'd try again, after that horrible burning was gone from her throat, to eat more- but she had eaten too much. And she just couldn't do any more, except a few granola bars. It was an old habit to puke after she had eaten too much. But old habits die hard and kill heartlessly.

And with Justin not being home for the past days, planning hurriedly for the wedding, Ariana felt she was approaching the habit more and more and that even those bars she could not keep down. And it killed her a litte inside.

♥

*IT'D BE AWESOME IF YOU COULD JUST CLICKITYCLACK THAT VOTE BUTTON :) AND COMMENT <3 

Hi guys! I am so fudging sorry about not updating in a gazillion years and I just wanted to say hi! and sorry! ummm- so...

Whatcha guys doing for spring break? It's so soon! I myself can almost barely not stand school anymore- but we can do it, we just have to hold out! :)