First Love

Our "Date"

It was two days before New Years Eve and we had finally hung out. I was so nervous. Driving to your house I was thinking of our conversations from the night before. You knew I liked you. You told me that if I wanted to cuddle then I should just lay my head on your shoulder and we would.

But the thing is, I'm awkward. I wanted to so badly, but there was something making me think it wasn't a good idea to make contact. But I couldn't think of any feeling better than having our fingers interlocked. I wanted you for so long, this was the moment I was waiting for. But I couldn't do anything.

For an hour I sat on the arm of the couch instead of beside you. I'm such an idiot. Why do I have to be like this? Nothing is ever smooth going when it comes to me, I am the bumps in the road.

I wanted to sit by you, but I was sitting up there so long that I didn't wanna move and things be weird and awkward.

Thirty minutes later I finally decided to plop down beside you. Easing my way down with a stupid smile. I was nervous. I wanted to be slightly subtle, but of course I said something to make it seem less awkward and of course that backfired and the words that came out of my mouth were, "My ass kind of hurts, so I'm just gonna come sit down here with you". Like, who says that? Just sit down.

We tried to have small talk, but that didn't competely work, so instead just watched Netflix.

You can't say I didn't try because I did start leaning onto your shoulder. But of course I was awkward with that too and just leaned onto my hand which was lower than your shoulder.

Although we were both awkward, I had an amazing time with you.