Delilah Rose

3-5-14

March 5 2014

I'm sorry,I have just been lying to everyone including myself. To sum up what has been going in in my life since I wrote

•I love Alex

•My friends hate me

•Alex loves(and is with) another girl

•my dad doesn't care about my mom or me

•I went to a psychologist and she helped a little

•I started volunteering

•I stopped cutting

Now here I am sitting at my volunteering thinking

"if only I was pretty"

"If only I was smart"

"If only I cared"

"If only I didn't care"

"If only"

"If only"

I always end up caring too much fail then I stop caring and fail so I try and care and I fail and everything repeats. It's to far. People who can just go day to day and nothing go wrong. You know those days when everything you do goes wrong,you loose your pencil,you forget to bring money for food, you run into things, you get ignored, talked over. Yeah? Well I have thoes days everyday. My life is a mess. Also, today my "friends" have got together at Lucy's house. Lucy was my best friend but now her and Clara are really close. I wouldn't mind if it was just them but it turns out Casey is with them too. I would have been able to got but still the thought would have been nice. Nirvana songs play loud in my ears as I lay on my bed. I'm really tired. I've been tired for the past month to be honest. My days have been running together and I can't remember if I did something 2 days ago or if it was yesterday. Alex is texting me. The phone vibrates and I rush to see what he texted. My eyes start to close. "wake up! WAKE UP!" The voice in my head says. I rub my eyes and wait for the next text. At least I get to end my day talking to someone I like...love. Every time I talk to him though I am reminded I have NO chance...why did I ever think I did? I'm so stupid.