Hate [ENG]

Hate

I don't feel like talking with anyone

And when I do, they feel like ignoring me with their false words

They think I don't realise

But I do, more than they would ever imagine.

During my fucking 15 laps to the sun

Almost 16, though

Nobody bothered to go round me

And ask me what I feel

Why I feel it

And who made me feel like that, if they ever thought I feel something.

Maybe people hate me in their guts

Maybe they hate me to death

Maybe they think I don't think so

Maybe I'm retarded

And I deserve not to have any friends.

Almost 6000 sunsets

Almost 6000 daws

And not even in one a friend told me good morning

Not good night, either.

If a friend is supposed to do that

Then I'm really fucked up.

They think being alone is good

They think introversion is not such a problem

But I swear to God it makes me puke

When I see people with their best friends

And I remember no one has tried to be mine.

When someone tells me if I'm okey

And they know I've barely felt that.

Ever.

When groups of nice guys are having fun

And I can just try to have fun watching them.

When I make pleasures to the ones I love

And they don't even thank me back.

And they just forget it as fast as light.

I'm fucking fed up of people telling me to be my friends

While they treat me way too differently to their other friends.

If this is supposed to be life for me

I hate it since I can remember to remember.

If life's finna fuck me this hard

Then I'm feeling destroyed in negative time.

They think being clever is better than being stupid

But you know what?

This sucks so hard that even my feelings got sucked.

This sucks so hard that not even death seems a bad idea so far.

If happiness and friends are supposed to be the goal of life

Then I should start killing myself.

Why are you supposed to be with me

If you got the others?

Should I make myself better?

Am I not good enough for you?

I do not know what the fuck do you think, but your acts are saying what you don't want to.

But even my words seem not to be processed by your brain.

May you explain to me why?

Why do you pretend so badly to be my friend.

Why do you treat me like the trash round the corner.

Why I can't ever be your preference.

Why I am always your second, to last, choice.

I am so sorry for being such a bad friend.

You may tell me how to be a better friend of you.

If I know you in real life, and you felt something here, sorry.

Sorry because you have to put me up every fucking day.

Sorry because you have to pretend things you do not want to do.

Sorry because I must be forcing you to be what you do not want to.

Sorry for everything, if that even means any fucking thing.

I don't think I will ever be able to pay up for all this.

So I guess a simple and shitty and common and repetitive and usual and ordinary and feelingless thank you is the most I can give of myself.

Because that's what I am.

A shit, worthless stack of meat.

That can only make himself a victim so he can grab

a

bit

of

attention.

An attention whore.

A lifeless person that looks for some people to make them feel sad for them.

Just so he can feel a bit better, until he falls depressed again. And again.

And again.

I know that this seems to be the typical person nobody wants to be with.

And it is.

I just do not give a shit about this game called life.

Don't give a fuck about winning.

Don't give a fuck about losing.

Just want to end it as fast as I can.