dead soul ➼ irwin

prologue

prologue: 

He held on to the rail behind him. His feet almost slipping off the concrete of the bridge. His deep green eyes watched the crystal clear waves beneath him, He watched the red and yellow leaves fall off the October trees, He felt the wind blow through his brown curls and down his skinny body. He looked up at the cloudy blue sky for the last time.

The wind blew up his neck sending shivers through his whole body. He felt like everything around him was moving but he was as still as a rock. He couldn't move but he new he had to. Everyone would be happy if he was gone right? 

'Nobody needs me,' he thought to himself.

'Nobody want's me. '

The speed of the wind picked up and he could hear it whispering in his ear, he watched as the trees danced in the wind and he went back to focusing on the tidal waves below him. This was it, this is what he wished for. Everything is going as planned. His mother has probably found his note and is calling the cops. 

He didn't want to miss this opportunity, this was his chance to go.. to make everyone happier, to make all this pain go away. No more fights, no more endless nights of crying, no more scars.

One hand slowly left the cold metal bar on the railing. His heart rate was quickening once he realized that this is happening, he's doing what hes dreamed of. 

Light and slow footsteps were coming from behind him but he didn't dare look back. He couldn't.

"Ashton.." the girl spoke.

She sounded frightened, scared, hurt almost. Her voice crumbled Ashtons heart to pieces and tears were threatening to pour out of his eyes.

"Why are doing this?"  Her voice was shaking and she was wanting to cry just as much as he wanted to but she couldn't. If she cried she would scare Ashton.

"I have to." His voice was shaky. He was still holding on with one hand and his palms were becoming sweaty, He new that soon he would have to let go.

"No you don't." She said.

She was still behind Ashton but she was almost pressed up against his back. A rail was separating the two. A metal bar was stopping her from holding him. A metal bar was stopping him from feeling her pounding heart against his back.

"Stop making decisions when you're like this. Make them when you're happy."

She regretted the words right when they left her mouth. She knew Ashton was never happy. She knew that he had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. He was senseless. He's forgotten how to feel. Everything about him is just numb.

He hadn't responded. He acted as if he had never heard the girl next to him. He just kept his piercing green eyes attached the crystal blue waves.

She took another step closer and placed her small shaky hand over his sweaty hand. She studied Ashtons every move once her hand came in contact with his. She knew the effect she had on him.

Ashton immediately squinted his eyes shut and about a thousand tears poured from his eyes. This broke the girls heart.

"Don't." Ashton said in a shaky voice.

The girl then realized that Ashton was scared, he didn't want to do this. He couldn't even hurt a fly, how could he hurt himself?

"Ashton." She said sighing.

"You are alive. That beating organ in your chest is keeping you alive. Its pumping blood through your veins. You are alive Ashton Irwin. You re a walking masterpiece and you are a part of this world. Youre alive, and if thats not a miracle im not sure what is."

She paused, not knowing if she should say what she was wanting to say. Ashtons heart rate slowed down and he was more calm than before now that she was here. He wanted to leave, why did she want him to stay so bad? He needed to go.

"I am In love with you Ashton Fletcher Irwin, and I know that maybe a shout into the void, but I am  madly  in love with you."

By now she was crying. The tears wouldn't stop and she didn't mind, She wasn't in love with him in the beginning. But now hes so close to death, and he could be gone any second. She knew that she was completely in love with this beautiful boy standing in front of her.

Ashton opended his eyes once those words left her lips. His stomach was in knots just like the first time they spoke. His cheeks were a faint pink and he looked absolutely adorable standing there with tears running down his cheeks and his messy hair all over the place. Even if he was holding onto a bridge and he was on the verge of death. He still looked beautiful.

Ash knew he was in love with her. He also knew he couldn't do this to her, but there was no choice. He couldn't even be with her.

"I just want to make you happy," Ashton said. Neither one of them spoke. Just stood in silence. 

"How would this possibly make me happy Ash?"

She was so confused, this wasn't going to make her happy, this was going to ruin her, break her. hurt her.

"I'm leaving okay." Ash replied, ignoring her previous question.

He turned his head so he was looking at her. She looked into his breathtaking green orbs and he looked right back at those chocolate brown eyes he had fallen in love with, for the last time.

"I love you to the moon and back."

He planted a sweet long kiss on her shaking lips and caressed the top of her hand with his thumb. She calmed down and relaxed, She thought he was going to stay. She thought he was going to hold onto both of her hands for support while he hoped over the railing and they would then walk home together. 

He looked back down at the waves. 

"Forever and always." He mumbled to himself.

"Ash.." 

Then he took one step closer to the edge of the bridge.

-

aye so i hope you like it um if you do seriously please vote or comment so that i know that people actually want me to continue but um yeah i have this pre-written so i will probably be updating  twice every week or more if this gets any reads or votes, not exactly sure yet but thanks for reading i guess lol :-) oh and um i hope u dont cry like in the future chpaters bc i dont want anyone to cry but PLEASE JUST DONT LET THIS MAKE U SAD!!!!!!!11!!!1!!  // e