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longingly

In school, I was never the girl that stared out the window during class and dreamed about her crush. In fact, I shut out all that sort of thing. The memory of the pain of rejection stopped me from ever having a legitimate longing for anybody for the rest of my school career. The rejection that caused that reaction is a story all its own. The point is, I didn't lust after, long for, want to be with anybody... before Zayn.

Yes, that is entirely too cheesy and is somewhat of a myth. You're not supposed to have a One and Only when you're 20-something, because you don't even really know who you are at that age. Do you 67-year-olds know who they are, really? Not any better than a kid does, I don't think. What an older person does know, however, is about the world, and about other people. And although I am not old, I knew plenty about Zayn. Or, all the important things anyway.

I know that he's got sisters, a family he loves. I know that he loves to draw and paint and sing and read comic books. I know that he is rational person, but is driven almost overwhelmingly by his emotions. And, above all else, I know that Zayn and I are in what I like to call Trust. It is the combination of being truthful with each other and passionately caring for one another, and coincidentally is named after something that Zayn and I share with each other; a high level of trust.

So, two days after we kissed in the art studio, when Zayn said they were going on a promotional tour of interviews, and that they'd probably ask about me, I told him that he could tell them my first name, and how he feels about me, if he wanted to. He said that he was hoping I'd say that. And then he kissed me again, but you probably could've assumed that.

So, there I sat in the break room, Flora and Michelle on my left, Diamond and Tracy on my right, three days after the kiss in the art studio, and I am day dreaming about the boy I have a crush on, just the way I thought I'd never be able to again.

"Are you even listening to me, babe?" Diamond asked, nudging me with her elbow. "I said that if you and Zayn vacation together somewhere warm, you and I can go on a pre-trip Bikini Body workout regimen. Where did you say you were going?"

"He invited me to a party for his friend's birthday," I repeated for the millionth time. "It's not a vacation. It's a party. We're not even spending the night."

"Not what I meant," Diamond said, sounding entirely exasperated, as though she'd repeated herself as many times as I had. "I mean when you inevitably honeymoon, do you think he'll take you to a ski resort or an island in the tropics? I mean, he's got no problem being shirtless already, so I'm betting on tropics. I found an excellent move for inner thighs on the Women's Health website..."

I tuned her out after that. It didn't matter, really. If Zayn and I ever started really going out, I'd cross the whole... weight bridge when it comes to that. Although, the voice in my head pestered, he obviously wants to date you. He's kissed you twice now and is always staring at you like you're the sun and the stars in the sky. Better to start now, rather than have to do an extreme regimen later.

But, rather than announce it to Diamond, because she'd undoubtedly try and take over my entire routine, I kept my plans to myself; I was going to drop a few pounds just to help Zayn out. No sense in there being extra drama involved, right? I was fine with how I looked, but if my dress size was going to be the start of every headline, I figured being a bit smaller couldn't hurt anything. Maybe they'd paint Zayn as a hero, for helping me tackle my weight "problem" and become the girl they've always envisioned him with.

"Is he really not going to be stopping in anymore?" Michelle frowned, taking a bite of the tuna sandwich Flora had rejected and moved to the center of the table at the start of our lunch break.

"Well, he knows where my flat and stuff is now... we can just drop by each other's places instead. No need, I guess," I shrugged. "Besides, there were complaints about the lack of productivity in both our departments, with him being around so much."