Trapped In My Own Head ||N.H||

Chapter Six

The inside of the room was illuminated only by the cracks of light seeping in underneath the closed door. Beyond that the room was bathed in silence. In the middle, sprawled out on the bed lay Niall. He was lying as still as he could, trying desperately to bring himself some peace. He had tried sleep already and it wasn't working out for him, not when the voices could infiltrate his dreams. So staying awake was his next best alternative. Staying awake and alert so that he wasn't caught off guard again like before.

At least, that was what Niall told himself in the the dark stillness. He could prevent it. All it took was diligence. And Niall was nothing if not stubborn.

There was a creaking noise from squeaking floorboards outside the stillness and Niall shot to his feet, paranoia washing over him like a wave. They wouldn't get him this time, wouldn't catch him off guard. Not like before. Like Before. The Before that Niall couldn't even remember, the Before that he had been filled in on by his mam and odd group texts from the band at strange times. 

But God works in strange ways. And sometimes what you want to happen least is exactly what happens. So it was no surprise that Niall didn't notice himself drifting off until her was on the precipice, the very trembling edge of sleep. He realised just about the time that he stepped off the edge of that cliff and into the abyss of sleep and troubled dreams. 

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Rays of sunshine danced on Niall's face, peeping in between the window slats the next morning as he slowly was roused out of sleep. He slipped out of bed, heading instinctively to the toilet. Inside he locked the door and stared sleepily into his reflection. It came over him suddenly, the jolting realisation that he had done it! He had controlled himself and the voices had left him alone. He could do it! Niall was filled with a sense of determination and purpose as he strode downstairs, practically skipping with joy.

"Mam," he announced, "I think I'm ready to go back on tour!"

Maura paused from her kitchen duties, staring at her youngest son, "Niall, baby, you've only been here for a day! Surely you can stay longer! You said you were staying for a week when you got here."

Niall jolted to a stop, fear creeping up his spine, "I what?" he exclaimed.

Why didn't he remember this? 

Niall searched his memory urgently for a clue of what had happened the previous day, feeling increasingly panicked as he could recover none.

"Mam," he started in a too-calm voice that didn't belay the paranoia and desperation swirling beneath, "When did I get here? And when did I say that?"

Maura pivoted to face him, opening her mouth to reply when Niall suddenly screamed, dropping to his knees and clutching his head as if it would break. 

She rushed to his side as he continued, rocking back and forth and just screaming, yelling in that horrible high pitched sound of terror, eyes squeezed firmly shut.

Chris, Niall's stepfather stampeded downstairs, demanding to know what the source of that terrible noise was in his house, and stopped dead in his tracks, staring at his youngest stepson. Greg skidded in from the living room, bewildered and also halted just staring at his brother.

Niall was in pain. So much pain as all his memories poured back into his head and he would do anything, anything for it to stop because it hurt so bad. He could remember it all now, how Liam had slapped him that night in the hotel room and harshly told him to stop being a stupid freak, and how if he wanted to kill himself he should at least try correctly. Niall trying to talk to Louis about how mean Liam had been the night before only to receive a suspicious side glance and rolled eyes as Lou replied, "Well you are. Stop trying to attract attention, Niall." Harry nodding with Louis in agreement, adding that they didn't really want him here in the first place, and that, come to think of it he needed to leave. 

He remembered driving home from the shady hostel in London, and getting a flat tyre partway through because the rest of the band had insisted he leave right then. He remembered hiking to a bus station, climbing on and bleakly asking for his stop. How he had trudged home in the rain, knocking on the door only for his mother to ask harshly why he was here.

Niall remembered the worst part of it all, waking up in the morning after he'd plead his case to stay and slept on the couch, and how Chris had woken him up by pulling him off the couch and demanding an answer to why he was taking up space.  

Niall began to sob, tears coursing down his cheeks at the new found revelation that he could trust no one whilst his bewildered parents and brother looked on, trying to comfort him. He couldn't trust anyone because everyone hated him, and everyone was out to get him and his only friend was his blade and...

Why Niall, the voices started, we knew you'd come to your senses.

A/N: Hi, I finally updated! So for anyone confused, Niall is confused because the voices are taking his memories, messing them up and putting them back in his head. Anyways, please vote, comment and all that great stuff :) Hope y'all like it!

-allthetragicthings-