RoyalChaos Oneshots Book

Steven's Song (Adam's Song)

This was a prompt from anon on Tumblr, hope you enjoy it. :)

This one, unlike my last two, is INCREDIBLY dark. So please, viewer discretion is HIGHLY advised. I know this entire book is dark, but this is like GRIMDARK SHIT RIGHT HERE.
Please do not read if you feel you will be easily triggered, I would really hate for that to happen to any of you, from someone who struggles with many of these issues. Use common sense, please love.

It also ended up being much longer than expected, so note that if you're looking for a quick read.

Title: Steven's Song (Adam's Song)
Genre: Angst
Trigger warnings: Depression, suicide, self harm(implied), death, cursing.
Song: Adam's Song by Blink-182
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The thing about emotions is that there isn't a single one that is stable. People feel overwhelming happiness. And people feeling crippling sadness. There's no telling what a person feels. A human is a ticking time bomb, filled with a whole spectrum of powerful feelings. However, this doesn't mean a human has everything in this range. Some feel happy, and some feel sad.

But what happens when that sad is more than just, "sad."? Noone can really speak for a majority. This feeling is varied amongst many humans, amongst many minds that share the suffering of the lack of motivation to suceed. The lack of effort to love.

The will to live.

The curtains were pulled shut. The door was locked. The room was dark and gloomy. It had always been like this, though. Steven didn't think of light as helpful anymore. He saw it as a false symbol of new beginings and peace. Fuck light. He was breathing out of control. His face was hot and his arms were shaking. Breaking point. That's what it was. A breaking point. Vanished from the face of the planet in the eyes of those who mattered. He was skipping classes. He had removed every skype contact except a choice few. He closed his Youtube channel. He felt it would be much less painful that way. Maybe not to others, but it was a hell of a lot of closure for him.

That's what he needed. Closure. That's all he ever needed. He was so tired of the empty hopelessness that he felt. After rejection, fear, etc. He couldn't wait to feel what closure felt like. Nothing else provided closure. Nothing. Not a single support group. Not a single motivational speech. Not a single book or therapist or pill. Not even his own razors could do him any good. Nothing at all.

Steven collapsed onto his desk, sweat beading down his face, as he logged onto skype. Online. He was trembling in fear now, of what would happen next. A million dings of worried friends flooded his speakers. He skimmed through them quickly, giving no cares to any.

Where have you been!?
What's happening!?
God damnit Steven are you okay!?

Just the same old people, trying to fix poor old broken Ze.
He couldn't give any thought to any of them. Not a single message.

Except one.

Chilled/Anthony: Hey.

Hey? What the fuck did "hey" mean. He obviously knew that Steven had been gone. He obviously noticed the loss of his online presence, and his lack to stay in touch with anyone. And yet, the most thought he could muster was "hey."
It made Steven slightly frustrated, yet, it was relieving to know that atleast one person didn't see him as "broken" or "hurt." He saw him as a guy, a person who wasn't broken nor hurt. He saw him as empty. And no matter how much Steven wanted to deny it- Anthony was right.

Steven typed away at his keyboard, unable to keep his hands steady.

ZeRoyalViking || Steven: Hi

Chilled/Anthony: How are you?

ZeRoyalViking || Steven: Done.

Chilled/Anthony: I noticed.
So, what are you done with? I know there's more to this than you being "done" with the internet, bud.

Ze liked how casual Anthony was. He was never intense about anything (Except maybe, World of Warcraft. But that was okay.) It was calming to him, even in this situation.

ZeRoyalViking || Steven: Everything.

Chilled/Anthony: Can I call you? If you don't mind.

ZeRoyalViking || Steven: Go for it.

Steven wasn't sure how this was going to turn out. But nonetheless, he picked up, and waited in silence before an all too familiar voice greeted him.
"Hey." The voice muttered. Steven was still out of breath, and his voice trembled with gravel, and he responded. "...I-I'm so.. I'm so... so sorry ... A..Anthony." Chilled's voice changed, there was a sense of light panic in it now, after hearing the state Steven was in. "Don't hang up... okay?" The older male mused. Steven was breathing heavily, as he felt a large lump form in the back of his throat. His eyes started to swell up, as he teared up lightly, hands gripping the sides of his head. "Steven. Listen to me. I want you to get help. I'm flying out to California as soon as possible. I want you to go to your parents. I want you to look at me and know that there is someone out here that loves you dearly. Forget Youtube. Forget Arizona. Forget The Creatures. This is about you." Steven shoved all the contents of his desk violently off it's surface.

"It's always fucking been about me!" He screamed. His head was pounding, and his heart was racing. He looked to the left of his desk to find his many failed attempts at closure. "Steven..." Chilled sighed, still in the call. Ze moved his mouse over the little video camera icon. As it loaded, he could see the little box of himself in the corner. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he looked like utter shit. Unshaven, bloodshot eyes, drooping face. "Steven, please listen to me-" Anthony pushed. He too had turned on his camera. It was apparent he was crying too, his voice just didn't do a good job of showing it.

Steven reached for his tickets to closure. He poured a good 8-9 and turned the bottle around. "WARNING" Was written in red, loud letters. Anthony's calm exterior quickly turned to sheer panic. "Steven!" He screamed in desperation to stop this. Ze looked at Chilled straight in the eyes, as Anthony frantically called several people to end this.

It was useless though.

"I gotta go. See you later Anthony."
"Don't you f-fucking DARE Steven!!!"

Steven hung up his skype, as Chilled constantly called him.

But,
just like that,
Ze had used his final tickets

To closure.

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That was really hard to write, but at the same time it conveys an important message about suicide prevention and perception, so I hope you atleast got that out of it. -Kilz