Window of Opportunity- #EverythingEverythingContest

Looking Forward

I've been told that I'm too sensitive. I like that. Not because it's good, but because those who can see this trait can see me for who I am. So I'll keep being sensitive, and being me. 

Though there was one person who shook who I was to the core.

Way back when I was a wee grasshopper, and saying that, I mean when I was in elementary school, I was what you'd call a loner. I didn't have anyone to call my friend, but I wasn't desperate for any. I was fine with being shunned. Until the bullying began. Nothing big, some fistfights, getting pushed into muddy water on rainy days.  I fell into a routine. Wake up. Go to school. A sludgy blur in between. Repeat. I got used to it. I didn't care  But the worst was when people pretended to understand. They pretended to be my friends. To care. And I believed them. I was on the edge of a cliff, facing away. I was unaware of the danger until it was too late. It hurts worse when you don't see it coming.

I grew an iron wall of defense, a fake me. Talk, but don't trust. Hide the weak, gullible me and create the charming, confident, ever smiling new me. But one person managed to get through. He noticed who I really was, and when he did, accepted that I'd always be this way. He liked that I changed myself for others, instead of trying to make others look bad. He told me to be myself, and that I matter. And I believed him.

I have faults, too many to name, even by enemies. That person who helped me, I betrayed him. I didn't back-stab him myself, but I didn't do anything to stop it. In that way, I'm worse than the one who did the dirty work. However, I had to move on. I drew knowledge from my suffering, and took steps forward. Small steps. Building up confidence, trust, friends. 

I was put down for the talent show once, and I didn't try out again when the opportunity passed. However, I played that song again. For him. If I ever get a third chance, I'll play, and I'll sing my heart out, even if he doesn't care, because he gave me what I really needed. To look up. To have the confidence to walk away from that cliff and look, really look at the people, the opportunities around me.

Too sensitive. Too gullible. My worst faults. They cost me so much, but if you keep being wary of the past, then you can't see the future that's right in front of you. With people, come opportunities. When I see someone. Anyone at all, I'll try to say "Hi.", "Hello", "You matter." because no matter what happens,  we all need to keep taking steps, to keep grabbing opportunities. So whoever you are, "Hi. Hello. You matter. You matter to me for reading this. Thank you."