Sans x Suicidal!Reader

Secrets

TW: This story contains suicidal thoughts as well as self-harm, please don't read if squeamish or easily triggered.

Most days, you found Papyrus and Sans' company enjoyable. However, you constantly worried that you were a hindrance to their everyday life. It had been so long since you fell underground... 'How long has it been?' You wondered to yourself.

You would constantly beat yourself up for not reuniting with your parents. What kept you from being with them? 'My own idiocy,' you thought. You really had to stop thinking like this. It usually led to situations that weren't exactly good for your general well-being. For example, you had thrown yourself into a terrible habit of self harm shortly after you fell.

Despite your constant worrying, you had taken enough time with the skeleton brothers to get a read on their personalities.

Papyrus was an actual cinnamon roll, but he was too innocent to even understand what that meant. He loved spaghetti, and, frankly, wasn't quite bad at cooking it(well, when it wasn't frozen). His greatest dream was to be in the Royal Guard, and trained every day with a fish woman named Undyne (who you still had yet to meet, but apparently she wouldn't take well to you).

Sans was harder to read. You, being depressed, had realized that it was kind of like having a squad- you could tell after one look that something was up. He always had bags under his eye sockets, which could indicate that he didn't sleep well, because Papyrus didn't have them. He stayed in his room most of the time, and when he did emerge from his territory, he was either at home irritating Papyrus with his comical exploits or drinking ketchup at Grillby's place. Every once in a while, you both would lie next to each other in the forest and talk. He often tried to avoid your subtle interrogations, dodging them by turning them on you(which you hated) or changing the subject...

...Which brought you to your current situation.
"(Y/N), you've been acting kinda distant lately. Somethin' up?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I should ask you the same question."
"Don't-"
"-Seriously, Sans. What's up? You never answer me."
Sans sighed, lying on his back to face the sky. "Guess I do owe ya an explanation, don't I?" You stayed silent, awaiting said clarification.

He began. "I've been having these, let's say... nightmares. I've watched the entire Underground go to hell because of one person. Sometimes it doesn't. Only a few people die. I've watched the person responsible torture Papyrus while I could do nothing. I've seen the same for you, and everyone else I'd ever care about. It eventually got to the point where I'd try to avoid sleeping altogether."

You turned to face the sky as well. "Sans, what would you do if I died?" 'Wait no no no you weren't supposed to do that-' 

"What?" Sans looked at you, eye sockets wide. 'The world would go on, you idiot. Nobody cared in the first place.' 

"S-sorry. Forget I said that." Sans eyed you warily. 

"Where did that come from?" You waved your hand dismissively, trying to avoid answering his question. 

"Just a random thought. Sorry." Sans seemed unconvinced, but decided to drop the subject. 

"Should we head back?," he asked, propping himself up on an elbow to look at you. 

"Yeah, let's go." You stood up, holding out a hand for Sans to take. He took it, pulling himself up but almost falling in the process. You giggled. "You goof. Do you want to ride my back home?" 

Sans nodded, too tired to vocalize the answer. You giggled again, a faint warmth crawling across your face. You crouched down and turned your back to him, inviting him to hop on. Sans obliged, literally jumping onto your back, and, in turn, almost making you fall over. You snorted loudly, and Sans joined in soon after. You laughed all the way home.