Helping Others Out

Chapter 9

The next day, Marco ignored his friends once more, but didn't have it in him to keep up the angry facade. He was tired, and not the tired that could be fixed by sleeping. Oh, how he wished that was the problem.

He was tired of having to pretend to feel anything other than sadness—anything other than love for his best friend. But he didn't want to change the way he acted around the others, for the fear of their rejection.

No one wants to deal with a depressed friend—a gay, depressed friend—a gay, depressed friend who's in love with his best friend. No one wants to deal with that.

When Jean sat down next to Marco during advisory, Marco didn't even look up. He kept his nose buried in his math book and his pencil to the paper of his notebook, taking notes. That was how he stayed ahead of the class.

He would look at the syllabus to see which chapters they would be doing in class, and he'd read a chapter a week, taking his own notes based on the text. His class did each chapter in about two weeks, and he'd take those notes, too. Double the notes meant more thorough study sessions. He did this with his science classes too, but he didn't need to take a science this year. And he would have done it with his English class, if his teacher hadn't specifically told the class: "No reading ahead in the book we're reading. We are going to be making predictions as to what's going to be happening next after each section."

When the bell rang, Marco barely noticed. He was too busy ignoring Jean's presence and focusing in his math book.

Jean nudged Marco's shoulder, which made him jump and leave a line of graphite where his hand jerked. He looked at Jean, wide-eyed and confused.

"Th-the bell rang," he explained, biting his lip.

Marco gave Jean a small, thankful smile, and proceeded to pack up his stuff.

Please don't wait for me, please don't wait for me.

Annnd ...

Jean waited.

It was what they usually did. If one was still packing up, the other would wait for them to finish and leave advisory with them.

So, they left together, Marco cursing his inability to communicate through thought.

It was a lot easier for Marco to ignore his friends the second time around, especially since he wasn't pretending to be mad like the first time.

He remained silent around Jean, only nodding respectfully as he left his side to go to his first class. Reiner didn't attempt to talk to him any further than a tentative "Hey, Marco." Eren and Bert were—once again—easier to ignore than Jean and Reiner. When lunch came around, Jean didn't try to talk to him, choosing instead to remain silent and send worried glances toward him as they walked to the cafeteria, which made him more uncomfortable than anything.

He could tell everyone was worried about him and his seemingly odd moods, but he convinced himself that they were only pretending to care.

Margaret's friends were much easier to put up with compared to the day before, especially since Hanji chose not to interrogate him again. The only thing that bothered him was Jean's sad state that seemed fixated on Margaret's table.

Over all, he was able to float through his day much easier, without having to dodge questions and attempts at socializing.