I was Weak but got Stronger...

Chapter1: The Dream

Chapter 1: The Dream

I was sitting on my bed fresh tears in my eyes, looking through my blurry vision at my small safe that held my five perfectly stacked razors. My arms were like jelly, couldn't move a single finger. But I know if I put my mind into getting a razor to slit my own flesh I would be able to move. I blinked and the tears dropped onto my cheeks, racing to see who would fall off my face and absorb into my black carpet first.

Debating in whether or not I should cut my petite wrists was making me go insane. Hearing faint voices inside my head to cut it deep with every bad thought and to not stop until I was dead, laying helplessly on the floor. Skin chilled to the bone.

The actual little bit of sane part in me was chanting good memories. To stop thinking about the razors and go seek help. Who's here to help me though?

I don't want to cut anymore for today. The razor made contact to my skin already this morning. No more for today, I'm done.

I tried to ignore the small safe by cleaning my room a bit but its indented into my brain. Not going anywhere else but here.

"Maybe it'll all go away if I just do it one last time"? I whispered out loud to no one in particular.

Walking slowly to my safe I took off my necklace which held the key. Turning the small key took no time at all, once I seen the razors though, I became a problem. My breathing got heavier and tears pricked my eyes then trickled over the brim at the heaviest. Taking a razor into my grip, holding it with a passion. A passion of love and hate.

Bringing the razor to my wrist slowly I held my breath, lungs begging for mercy. The voices got louder and louder with ever ticking second. Seconds seemed to be minutes and minutes seemed to be hours.

The voices turned into screams as my tears were making small puddle beneath me.

"Just do it already Bricklen". My evil side encouraged.

"Don't do it! Think about you're family"! The good side of me beckoned.

"Do it! Do it now"!

My hands flew to my ears, I grinned my teeth together as I breathed heavily. "Stop it! Shut up and leave me alone"! With that I threw razor back into the safe and closed it. Tears falling rapidly from my dark green eyes.

I grabbed the safe, opened my bedroom door and ran downstairs to my family. They were all sitting in the living room when I barged in throwing the safe at the marbled coffee table in the center of the conversation. Everyone stared at me as I fell to the floor crying, hugging myself. Soon enough I was being picked up and sat into somebody's lap.

"Honey what's wrong"? My Aunty 'E' asked rubbing my back in a circular formation. Hiccups started to occur, easing their way into my crying habit.

"Baby girl, you can tell us, don't be afraid". My father whispered picking me up like a groom does to his newly wed bride. I cried into his chest shaking at the slightest.

"I can hear voices! Their inside my head"! I cried. He ran his fingers through my long black hair.

"What's in the safe Bri"? I got questioned. I held up my left hand and handed the key over to whoever took it first. My Uncle Ni, he grabbed the safe with his rather large hand and put the key in. Turning it slowly I heard the all to familiar click of pain.

I cried harder into my dads chest as I heard gasps from all around the room. The feel of the grip on me tightening and loosing, over and over again.

"Bricklen why are you doing this to yourself, baby why"? My father asked quietly putting his finger under my chin so I could look at him.

"The voices! They are always here when something goes wrong"! I hollered, covering up my ears once again.

"They don't really love you Bricklen". My bad side triggered.

"Don't listen to it BriBri. Be strong"! The other part of me stated, pleading for me to not listen.  

"Bricklen! Bricklen"! I heard faintly. Opening my tear filled eyes I seen everyone staring at me, some eyes watering. Then the voices went away, just like that. No more besides the good. I looked to my right to see my dad.

"Daddy" I whisper cried as I stood up and hugged him. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist holding onto him for dear life.

"It's alright babe. I'm here, daddy's here". He whispered into my ear, while walking up the stairs swiftly. "How about we get you to bed alright"? I nodded groggily.

"Dad"? I whispered as he tucked me into my bed. Looking at me, I decided to continue. "Can you please stay here while I go to sleep? Please"? I asked concerned for myself.

"Of course I will BriBri". I scooted over as he laid on top of the duvet. Laying my head on his shoulder I started to feel drowsiness take over me, taking me into another world.

It was dark, only the moonlight was shining through my windows. I yawned and tried to fall back asleep before I wouldn't be able to any longer. Several minutes passes and I still haven't been able to sleep.

Standing up I waddled over to my light switch, the light burning my eyes. Turning around I jumped. Seeing my uncles and my father in a row. Uncle Li, Uncle Ni, Uncle Lou, Uncle Haz, and then my father Zayn.  

"You guys scared me. What are you doing"? I yawned. They just smiled at me, okay?

"Liam, Harry grab her" Next thing you know I was being laid on the floor, being held down by my uncles strength. My dad then walked over to my safe snickering quietly to himself.

"What are you doing"? I screamed, my fear kicking in. "Let go of me"!

"Sweetheart just stay still, this wont hurt a bit. But a lot". Louis stated running his fingers through my hair giving me goose bumps.

My dad was then staring at me with fiver perfect razors that he passed out to the others.

"Honey just stay still for daddy alright. I won't hurt you, but the razor will". They laughed as I cried in complete horror.

They surrounded me as I struggled to get up, cut after cut everywhere. My face, arms, stomach, and my legs covered in deep cuts. Screams were all you heard, then I stared shaking violently. My eyes opened.

Once I opened my eyes from the dream, I felt hot tears on my cheeks. Looking up I seen the family, concerned looks casted around.

"Stay away from me"! I screamed putting my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth.

"Baby girl  what was the dream about"? Dada asked quietly touching my shoulder, I flinched back. He looked hurt.

"Get out! Just stay away from me". I cried helplessly.

"Babe pl-" My dad started, before he could finish I interrupted.

"Get out! Leave me alone"! Looking into my fathers eyes I seen tears at the brim, a single tear slipping away.

"Okay. I love you". He kissed my forehead quickly before I could reject it and then he left with my uncles. What is happening to me?