Matagal Na

Warning. Sabaw na, mais pa. Proceed with caution.

You have been warned.

Matagal Na
by EiiBiiWizard

Matagal na, hindi mo pa rin ramdam?

Matagal na, hindi mo pa rin alam?

Oo, matagal na. Matagal na kitang gusto. Dati pa. But I guess you were too numb to notice my feelings for you. Wow, I feel so naive.

Alam ko na rin namang wala akong pag-asa. I knew you were falling for someone else too. I knew. Yet no matter how hard I tried, the feelings just won't go. Bummer, right?

Matagal na akong dumistansya sayo sa kadahilanang ayoko nang mas lumalim pa ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Ayoko nang mag-krus ang landas natin. Ayoko na. Dahil sa tuwing makikita kita, alam kong babalik ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. And I don't want that.

✧✧✦✧✧

We were friends for eight years. Simula Grade 4 elementary pa. Parang kailan lang, naglalaro pa tayo ng patintero't ice-ice water. Yung mga tipo na larong kayang kaya mong dayain. May mga palusot pang nalalaman na kesyo yung damit ko raw ang nahawakan niya, kahit nataya na nga.

Ngunit sumisingit 'tong sina destiny at fate, at lagi na lang tayong pinag-tatagpo. Minsan hindi ko alam kung coincidence lang o pinagtitripan na talaga ako. Because up until now, I still do not know what to do. I want to forget you. I really want to. Ang sarap lang magka-amnesia, ta's ikaw lang makakalimutan ko. But for some reason, I don't know how or why. I do not know why I can't get over you; how I'll let go of you.

And that's why I hate how everything's too awkward now. How we can't talk like we used to. How we can't joke around like kids. How we can't hang out like friends. Because everything's too awkward. Too awkward. And I kind of blame myself for that. Hadn't I realized what I have felt for you, then we would most likely still be friends.

Right now I don't even want you to be a lover to me. You don't even have to know how I feel for you. Because what I need right now, is my best friend.

Nangako tayo sa isa't isang walang magbabago. Kahit mabaliw na nang tuluyan ang isa sa'tin, magkaibigan pa rin tayo. Kahit mag-iba ang ugali ng isa, magkababata pa rin tayo. Kahit matuklasang secret agent, o alien pa man ang isa sa atin, hindi natin susukuan ang isa't isa.

Akala ko kaya nating panindigan ang mga pangakong 'yan. Hindi pala.

We were too old to play, too old for games. We were too distant to talk, too awkward to call. We were too busy meeting other people to wonder what the other was up to. We were too busy facing life, we forgot to face each other. We, we were just not meant to be. May be it as lovers or best friends, we were not meant to be.

At siguro matagal na rin. Years may have passed, but you still cross my mind from time to time.

Ano kaya kung kaibigan pa rin kita?

Ano kaya kung hindi kita pinakalawan?

Ano kaya kung pinigilan kitang umalis sa buhay ko?

Kasama pa rin kaya kita?

But these were just what if's. Because we both know things would never be the same again. Masakit lang isipin na hanggang dito na lang ang pagkakaibigan natin, na sa ilang taong magkasama tayo, nahantong pa rin sa ganito. Oo, alam kong matagal na.

Matagal na, at marahil ay nakalimutan mo na rin ang mga kabaliwan at mga pakulong ginawa natin.

Matagal na, kaya hindi mo na rin siguro iniisip.

...

Matagal na, pero tandang tanda ko pa rin. Lahat ng pangtitrip na ginawa mo, lahat ng mga pakulo mo, lahat ng mga kalokohang ginawa natin.

Matagal na, pero naalala ko pa rin. Mula sa mga simpleng salamat hanggang sa mga nakakapanghinayang na paalam, lahat ng pangakong binitawan natin.

Matagal na, pero mahal pa rin kita. Matagal na.

...

But I guess it's time to let go now. Good bye.

☽   ☽   E N D   ☾   ☾

Kadramahan level champion. Joke, char. May mga ganitong pakulo eh. Oh diba, sabi sa inyo eh. Sabaw na mais pa. Oh, corn soup ahahahaha. Anywayy, thank youu po. x))

Date published : March 12, 2014
Plagiarism is a crime.

-revised, 041916