Lost in the darkness (BxB) ✅

Chapter 8

Trigger warning, suicide and cutting mention, it's only light but please stay safe, cause your lives are all worth something, so if you think your going to self harm or commit suicide don't read, if you do read, read at your own risk, if you get depressed it's not my fault I gave you a warning

Leo's PoV

I finally reach home fumbling with the keys trying to find the right one, if your wondering how I get home, it's pretty easy I just remember the route and if I didn't learn how to I would be even more useless than I already am, I navigate my way to the kitchen and reach up to the cupboard next to the fridge and open it then fumble around till my hand finally grasps a glass I open the fridge and reach in and feel all the cartons in the fridge looking for the one with orange juice indented on it, mum does this for me so when I'm home alone it's easy to find what I want.

I grab my glass with one hand and my cane with the other and lead myself up the stairs and to my room, I've pretty much made a mental map of the house now so it's easy to navigate it, I put my glass down on my desk then go to my bed and collapse on it, I'm such an idiot why did I do that I've embarrassed myself now, if your wondering why I acted like that it's cause I cut last night for the first time , cause I was so depressed I've always been a little depressed but I try to ignore it, I'm useless and blind and everyone always has to care for me, I have horrible anxiety so I'm even more awkward with people, and mum hates gay people so I'm alone nobody cares for me, thats what i thought but Matt seems to really care about me.

I hope he won't hate me if he find out that I cut myself I didn't really want to die I'm just so depressed and lonely I just need someone's love, that actually what a lot of people who cut are like I realise except if they do it to be cool and have scars, why would you ever want scars even being blind I would hate it if someone saw them they're probably so ugly, and yes even blind people can cut you just need something sharp, I found this weird little blade thingy in my mums craft box that she hasn't used in forever, I think it might be one of those exacto knifes or whatever, that you use for crafting, I have it in my desk now, I washed after I cut cause I felt blood come out I hope I washed it fully

I just cried out cause it hurt, it hasn't even scared over fully yet, It feels wet still I'm guessing that's blood, i put bandaids on I probably should let it air to scab over, I hope I didn't ruin his chances of getting adopted I hate my stupid self why did he have to be there, I don't feel like cutting tonight since he was so worried about me it gave me happiness, I guess I'll go to school on Monday, hopefully I'll get to see him again well not see cause I can't do that....,

Monday 8 am

We are in the car on the way to school now, I convinced mum that i was fine to go and that I wouldn't see Matt since he's only in my class for homeroom, I actually don't know since I only went for one morning but I hope he's in some of my classes he's so nice, I think I might have a tad little crush on him, clamber out of the car and walk to the homeroom with help of a random student, I'll probably have someone who's in all my classes to show me around and to them, I walk in feeling anxious and breathing heavily then I remember Matt's here and calm down.

"This is Leo *********, he'll be starting here from today please be kind to him" the teacher explains, sighing at then end obviously annoyed I'm taking to much time out of her day

She's probably worried that since I'm blind she'll have to take time out of her day to care for me, it's like are you an idiot blind people aren't useless they can do a lot of things it's just me myself that's useless, I cut again last night, mum was really mean about gay people telling me to stay away from Matt or anyone who looked gay nobody looks gay you fucking homophobe, she's going to abandon me if come out to her, my cuts have already scabbed over from last night, I just let them air out since I don't think it was that deep to bleed to much after I had a shower, I hope I didn't get blood anywhere.

"Your homeroom seat is next to Matt, I think you know him..?" The teacher questions me I nod my head yes

"Over here Leo" I hear Matt shout, I follow the sound of his voice and find my seat I settle down and listen to the teacher natter on about stuff other students have done or whatever I'm not really listening she's kinda annoying, the bell rings and I get worried cause I don't know where to go or what

"Matt, Leo come to the front of the room once everyone's left" the teacher shouts over the noise of everyone chatting and rushing to get to their class, everyone's finally left and I stand up and head to the front it's easier when people are to sticking their legs out in the middle of the room

"So Leo Matt is going to take you to your classes and help you around since luckily your both in all the same classes" the teacher explains sighing a sigh of relief

"Okay" Matt says enthusiastically,

We wait until most of the crowds in the halls have left so it's easier for me to navigate around, we start walking to our first class I feel Matt's eyes on me the entire way there it's kinda awkward but I know he doesn't mean it nastily, class is annoying and hard since I'm stupid, Matt keeps stroking my knee lovingly it's nice but I keep feeling my face getting flushed, if your wondering how I do work in class I use my laptop, the letters are like pushed out on the keys so I can find the right letter, I've pretty much memorised where all the keys are anyways so, and I have the voice thingy I don't know how to explain it but I voice says whatever I write so I just turn the volume off and listen to it when I get home so I can correct anything I've done wrong.

I KNOW ITS SHORT AND BORING IM SORRY SHOULD I EVEN KEEP WRITING THIS STORY SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE UHHHH, BUT WHATEVER ILL HAVW THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT IN LIKE AND HOUR I WRITE PRETTY FAST AND WRITE ALOT AT ONCE XD IF IVE WROTE ANYTHING WRONG ABOUT HOW BLIND PEOPLE DO WORK IM SORRY THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY SO ITS NOT ALL ACCURATE, SORRY SORRY