Do you know when you feel alone, and all you want to do is be around people.. but when your around them it doesn't seem to help. You look around and there just people. You don't see friends, there just people. You know when no matter what you say to yourself it's like your not good enough for them or yourself. You know when you wish you could just run and not stop till you feel like your going to calapse.
That feeling that you will never be good enough. And you judge yourself on every little thing you do wrong. You don't see the good things you have done, only the wrong things. You only see yourself as the person that can't do anything right, the person that gets everything wrong. You know when you feel like nothing in the world could be worse then this one feeling, but then you find out there is.
You know the feeling when someone leaves your life. The one you look back on and go, I really should of been more careful. You know that one feeling where your finally feeling complete but your not at the same time. Where everyone else could see you as perfectly fine but your not. You know when you see that girl or guy that look perfectly happy and says that his or her life is perfect, there the people who is having a hard time dealing with reality.
You know when you loose your grip on reality, and you just don't have a clue how you are suppose to live your life. When you start to think that maybe the world doesn't need you. That maybe no one really wants you here. That its all just a lie. You know that feeling when everything is suffocating you. When you turn around and there's a wall blocking your way and you can't break through it, when you turn in every direction and there is just walls, endless walls. You want to smash through them but you can't, you need to smash through them but you can't, and you can't climb them cause there to tall.
You know that feeling where you don't want to be here any more. Where there is no place that you feel as though you belong there. You know that feeling when you look at someone and they see right through your fake smile, your fake laugh, your fake look. They don't see how much pain your in, how much more you have to come. You know that feeling. Where everything just crash's and burns.
You know when you feel dead, but you look alive. The look people give you when they know there is something else there but they can't figure out what. You want people to look at you and see it but they can't. They try but you have put up too many things in place so you can see out at the world through your own eyes, but they cant see in to the real you. The others that are in the same position as you don't see it either. You don't see them and they don't see you. Everyone believes the fake-ness of it all. They want to believe it, they want to believe the world can be a happy place. Not a place filled with despair and unhappiness. They want the world to be a nice happy place where everyone gets along.
The feeling off being utterly alone, is the worst feeling ever. Its the one where your not sure you can do anything, its the one where no one knows your feeling it, its the one that no matter how hard you try it doesn't seem to go away. Its the one feeling that's always there and if you let down the happy emotions you build up then your left feeling like nothing in the world is ever going to be okay again.
That feeling, is the one i feel everyday.
