Morning, Teach.

Chapter 14

Note from author: okay, be forewarned, this chapter has major angst in it.

The next morning hugs are exchanged between everyone before Gabriel and Cas return home, with a promise that they'd all get together again for the New Year's Charity Gala at the San Francisco Zoo. The next few days go quickly, with tux fittings and Cas focusing on finishing up a few pieces for the zoo, he and Dean don't have much time together, only managing one real date a few days after Christmas.
Dean drives the Impala by Cas' instructions alone, having no idea where they're going. They drive down Highway 1, through Daly City and Pacifica, up onto Devil's Slide, where the scenery is gorgeous. They have the windows rolled down and the heater blasting, the combination of freezing winter air and hot humid air making for the perfect temperature in the car. Cas takes Dean's hand as they coast down the slide in neutral, letting gravity take them down the winding road toward their destination, a cute little shack that serves the best clam chowder in a bread bowl on the West Coast.
The ocean is choppy, but the sky is clear, strange for a Winter in the bay area. They get their food to go and eat leaning against the Impala's hood, staring out at the cresting waves, the few brave surfers catching swells in wet suits, seagulls and people walking their dogs along the beach their only company.
The sunset is gorgeous, as it always is in winter, flaming reds and oranges, fuchsias and golds lighting up the sky. Cas sits with his back to Dean's chest, Dean's arms wrapped around his shoulders, a blanket around them both as they watch the sky darken, minute by minute. The beach clears until they're the only ones, sitting on the impala's hood at the edge of the parking lot in the dark.
As the sun sets, the stars come out, one by one, and Cas lays back on the hood with Dean on the blanket, Dean's head on his chest. He points out each constellation, naming them by their popular names and the names they were given by astronomers so many years ago. He shows Dean Jupiter and Uranus, explaining that you can tell what is a star versus a planet by the fact that planets won't twinkle, or flicker. Cas' voice is soft as he goes over each constellation, from Orion, with his belt, and Cas' own star in the center, down to Pisces, Taurus, Cepheus and Eridanus.
He smiles then, and speaks soft against Dean's forehead while pointing out another star, almost overhead.
"If I was to pick a star for you, it would be that one... the Northern star... it's called Polaris, and it's the brightest star in Ursa Minor, or the Little Dipper.... Sailors used it to guide themselves home while on rough seas..."
Cas doesn't say it, but the meaning behind his words is obvious as he trails a hand through Dean's hair. Dean may not ever be considered the brightest star in the night sky by others, but he's the only one that Castiel could see, the only one he needs to guide him home.
*
Lying so close to each other, Dean can feel the steady heartbeat against his skin, can feel it quicken as he breathes out those last words. The meaning of them is not lost to Dean and he's grateful for the night's darkness, covering the blush flaring on his cheeks. He stares up into the sky, where Cas' finger had been pointing, finding the Northern star easily. It's strange, thinking of himself like this, realizing that someone other than Sam considers him important, precious, the brightest star... home... Dean inhales a shuddering breath, then sits up just to turn and lie down on his side, facing Cas, instead of the endless sky above them. His hand searches for Cas and takes it, intertwines their fingers and brings it up to his lips, kissing each knuckle softly.
"I like that", he says and it's not just about the star, but about everything else too.
He inches even closer, resting his forehead against Cas', wrapping one of his legs around his torso and pulling the blanket over both of them.
Hours later, it's Cas who gets up first, whispering something about 'catching a cold' and pulling Dean with him into the Impala, where they make love, slowly, gently. It's Cas who drives them back home, too, Dean too spent, too exhausted to even stand properly. When Cas pulls the blanket over his body, Dean's hand snatches for his wrist, holding him there, looking up at him for a moment. When he lets go - cause he has to... he knows Cas has some appointments in just a few hours and he knows he will be back - he can see that he's not the only one regretting to having Cas go.
-
On the day of the New Year's Charity Gala, Dean is jittery beyond compare, his fingers trembling as he buttons his shirt and unsuccessfully tries to fix his tie. When the doorbell rings and Sam - already dressed neatly into his tux - opens the door, Dean is still in his bedroom, practically yelling at his reflection in the standing mirror.
*
There's the usual sounds of greeting at the door, and then Cas walks into the room, stopping and staring at Dean for a moment. His eyes are shocked wide, stunned by how good Dean looks in the tuxedo.
"...Wow."
For once Castiel, master of prose, is speechless. He flushes then and looks down, clearing his throat before walking over to Dean.
"Let me..."
He bats the boy's hands away from the tie to fix it himself, admiring how the silken black of the tux accentuates Dean's tan, the sharp vest underneath a beautiful black with green brocade that matches Dean's eyes.
Cas takes a step back to admire his handiwork, looking quite stunning himself in a classic black suit with a silver vest beneath it. He smiles and holds out his hand for Dean to take it, eyes dancing with excitement at the evening before them.
Sam and Gabriel wait in the other room, both in tuxedos as well, Sam's a tailored one that shows off his constantly growing legs and broad shoulders with a European tie in a shimmering black. Gabriel actually cleans up well, and went a bit vintage with a black suit, black and white leather shoes, and a pocket watch tucked away, complete with a gold chain.
"Are we ready, gentlemen?", Gabriel intones, grinning at Dean and Cas both.
*
Dean is silent while Cas fixes his tie, watching the large, slender fingers working in awe. Castiel looks incredible and Dean must admit he's a bit breathless. He's gotten so used to see him wearing the typical teacher's attire, sweater vests and suit pants and it suits Cas, it really does - but as they say: every man looks good in a tux... and Cas, impossibly handsome and charming even without it, even surpasses the term 'good looking'.
Dean lets him take his hand and follows him in the hallway, carefully avoiding any eye contact. He'd spent the last few days trying on the tuxedo, with tie, without tie, testing out different hairstyles. Tonight his hair is a little gelled, just the tips and sides of it and appears a bit darker than usual. It makes Dean older somehow, seeming more grown up and even though he'd never admit it out loud, he kinda likes it. He's never felt inferior to Cas, but looking at least 5 years older, Dean feels remarkably better, more confident even. They ride in the usual constellation, Sam in Gabriel's car and Cas and Dean in the Impala. They have valet parking at the event and Cas has to talk Dean into handing the keys over to one of the employees for at least five minutes. The Zoo is alit with dozens and dozens of floating lanterns, held by only a thin, almost invisible string. It looks magical and for a moment, Dean can't stop himself from staring. When he feels Cas' hand nudging his, he blinks, looking back at his lover and smiling.
"This is amazing", he says, voice a little breathless.
Sam is to his other side and Dean notices with a smile, that he's similarly excited. For a moment Dean looks over into Gabriel's face and the joy and affection he sees there is almost unbearable. He quickly averts his eyes, finally taking Castiel's hand, as the older man leads them further inside.
*
The zoo rarely throws events like this, but every now and then, when they run especially low on funds, they open it up at night for a gala like this one. Most of the Zoo is off limits, but a few of the more nocturnal exhibits were open for people to walk past, with art set up on tall easels for people to look at as they walked around. Each exhibit carries a different animal, and the art that's beside it corresponds to that animal. The tigers have gorgeous art, splashes of orange and black and white, modernist painting that could easily serve as a fantastic logo for a company that wanted a tiger as it's symbol. Another painting is huge, easily 10 feet long by 6 feet high, and features a life size tiger prowling through a bamboo forest in black and white. The only color is where the moon beams in the painting streaks through, bringing the black and white to life with vivid greens and yellows, oranges and deep blues. It's effective, and the size of the painting has most people stopping to stare and whisper.
By the time Dean and Cas wander past it, there is already a sign next to it that had been flipped from the price tag of $15,000 to a sign that just says 'SOLD' in bold red letters.
Cas smiles and keeps walking, glad that something of his would be able to help out the zoo so much. He looks over his shoulder at Gabriel explaining to Sam that the painting is Cas', and that Cas doesn't often sell paintings, as most people who wanted his art he didn't feel wanted it for the right reasons- so Cas just doesn't sell much.
The night continues like this, the small group wandering through the romantically lit zoo, listening to howler monkeys and otters, penguins and peacocks. Cas is startled when a peacock flares its tail up right beside him, having forgotten that peacocks roam the grounds freely, and shoots Dean a glare when he laughs out loud at the look on Cas' face.
He lets it go though, when Dean pulls in close to press a kiss to Cas' neck, which earns a soft hum from Cas, and a snort from Gabriel who had been walking behind them, trying his hardest not to reach out and hold Sam's hand.
*
The scenery is beautiful and Dean finds himself staring at animals and art exhibitions equally fascinated most of the time. They hold hands for most of the evening and it doesn't even strike Dean as strange or awkward; instead it feels natural, good... right...
They count down to zero at midnight and while couples all around them fall into each other's arms, kissing each other enthusiastically, both Dean and Cas and Sam and Gabe settle for a tight hug and an awkward moment of silence.
By the time the clock shows 3 am, somehow they get split, losing Sam and Gabe in the chitchatting crowd and while Dean wants to go look for them, Cas assures him they'll be fine. He gets a text from Sam, just when they sit down on a small mural next to the gazelle corral, saying that they're alright and that Gabe would bring him home. Dean is surprised he doesn't feel as worried anymore as he maybe should at the thought of Gabriel and Sam alone. Cas offers him a glass of champagne, taken from one of the neatly dresses waiters wandering around and Dean takes it, clinking glasses with Cas and drinking, eyes on each other.
It's so ridiculously romantic, sitting in intimate togetherness, almost alone, apart from the occasional bypassing couple or waiter, the moon and floating lanterns the only light around, dimly litting the stunning surroundings of the zoological garden. Dean feels lightheaded, as he puts the glass down on the ground next to them, tilting his head so that he can rest it on Castiel's shoulder. A sigh escapes his lips and his hand squeezes Cas' gently.
"Thanks for this", he says quietly, thumb absentmindedly stroking over the back of Castiel's hand.
*
Gabriel takes Sam home, where they sit in the car and talk for an hour until they both realize that they had been sitting in the car, talking, for an hour. They finally say a hesitant goodbye, but only after Sam makes Gabriel promise to call him once he gets home, because Sam wants to make sure Gabriel gets there okay. Gabriel drives away blushing slightly after Sam's kiss on his cheek, and Sam goes upstairs feeling happier than he has in years.
*
The gala ends soon after Gabriel and Sam leave, with a small speech of thank you to all the contributing artists from the head of the Zoo, and a round of applause. Cas looks more embarrassed by it than anything, and grabs Dean's hand to make a hasty exit as the speaker soon starts calling individual artists up to thank them in person.
After the valet returns his baby to him, Dean and Cas drive toward Daly City, and Cas' apartment, until Cas puts a hand on Dean's arm and looks over at him. His face is calm, but his words a little hopeful as he speaks.
"....I don't want to go home yet..."
Dean smirks and shrugs.
"Where do you want to go?"
"....Just... drive..."
Cas slowly guides them through Daly City and up a long twisting road to Twin Peaks, the outlook that looks over all of San Francisco, and across the bay to Oakland. Cas gets out of the Impala and drags Dean over to the edge, standing hand in hand and looking out over everything. At 4 in the morning, the sun was still down, and the lights of the city glittered like they were alive, pulsing with energy. Everything else looked so small in comparison when you were standing on top of the world.
It was freezing, and they could see their breath come out of their mouths when they exhaled, and all Cas could think about was how he wanted to kiss Dean... and how his life just wouldn't be complete anymore without him.
"....Dean..."
The boy's face turns towards Cas, eyebrows raised.
"Yah, what's up Cas?"
"....Thank you for coming out with me tonight..."
Dean grins amicably and shrugs, as if it wasn't a big deal. Cas frowns slightly and tugs on Dean's hand to get his attention again, as he kept looking out over the city and its lights, as if looking at Cas in this place was too much to handle.
"....Dean."
Dean bites on his lower lip from the inside, barely noticeable, but Cas notices. He notices everything about Dean.
"....You seduced me in a dirty club three months ago...and before then I'd never had any sort of sexual interaction with a man."
Dean frowns, not sure where the hell this is going.
"...I wanted to say thank you....If you hadn't have taken that leap, I wouldn't have experienced or felt the things I've felt in the last few months...I wouldn't have had the chance to get to know you, to become your friend...your lover...and I can honestly say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me..."
Cas rushes on, not wanting Dean to stop him.
"....I once told you that you were like the sun. That you would burn me. I can't imagine a more spectacular way to live and die than to love a celestial being with the intensity that I love you."
Dean stares at Cas for a second, then blinks.
"...What?"
Cas laughs and takes Dean's face in his hands.
"Oh, for heaven's sakes... I love you Dean Winchester... and I'm tired of pretending that it's okay that I don't say it, because it's not. I love you, I love every thing about you, and it's high time you heard it from my lips, instead of just from my hands..."
He brushes a thumb over Dean's cheekbone the way he has for the last month after they were done making love, and smiles softly, looking up into Dean's eyes.
"...I love you."