The Broken One

    I anxiously walk down the halls, trying to act normal. I don't want anyone to know something's wrong. "just fake a smile and keep your calm" I tell myself. If anyone knew how insecure I was or how sad I am all the time, they'd think I just want attention. That's the last thing I want, so no one can know.

   I'm so deep in thought I don't hear my friends calling me, "Macy!" Crystal and Anna yell. "oh hi" I say trying to sound enthusiastic. We head to the cafeteria for lunch. Except I don't eat much I mean I'm already fat enough.

                            * * *

   In class I can't focus so I lay my head on my desk.My friend Haley asks me if I'm ok, "I'm fine, just tired". That's a lie, but she accepts my answer. becca is in my class, we're friends I guess but I hate being around her these days. She always says she's ugly and fat but I think she knows she isn't.

  Becca is gorgeous, any guy would agree. She flirts with every guy in the class, it really annoys me because the guy I kinda like is in our class. She doesn't know I like him, but she still doesn't have to flirt with him when she likes someone else.And why would he even look at me when .he could have her.

                           * * *

    When I get home I go to my room, I want to hurt myself but to many people are home. I look at the scars on my thigh, all I can think is how much I hate myself. I mentally put myself down until I cry myself to sleep.

In the morning I really don't wanna go to school. My social anxiety is kicking in and I try to force it to stop. People at school always ask me why I miss so much school, if only they knew. I get ready and my mom drives me to school, even she doesn't know how hard it is for me.Eeveryday I want to cry.

But I can't cry, I can't let people know how broken I really am. They'll think I'm weak, am I weak? I feel weak. I used to be so strong, but junior high broke me.

Becca makes me so mad. Today I finally snapped. I yelled at her, the whole class saw. Lucky for me the lunch bell rang, I walked out the doors. I decided to go home for the rest of the day. No one is home, I take a blade to my thigh. Blood trickles down. I start crying, not because it hurts, but because emotionally I can't handle anymore. I thought I couldn't be emotionally hurt anymore, but I was wrong. I was broken before, but now I'm shattered. I can handle physical pain but this pain is to much. I want to die, but that can't happen. My family would be horrified. I can't do that to them. I can't put them through the pain I feel. I know if they knew how much I hate myself they would get me therapy or medication. I don't need that. I'll just have to pretend I'm happy, and maybe one day I will be.

(its not finished, I might make part 2 if you guys like it)