The Broken One

the broken one part two

      Me and Jackson become more closer, and I really start to fall for him. I don't know if it's just me imagining it but I think he might like me too. I wish I could tell him how much I want to be with him, but I can't mess things up now.

    Everyday I don't mind going to school knowing that Jackson will be there. I wish I wasn't so gross and awkward. He probably thinks of me just as a friend. I can't stand liking him, but I can't control it. I get so jealous seeing him with other girls. Liking him is like constantly feeling hurt, yet not in a bad way.

  I stopped cutting, and I feel a lot better about myself. Being around Jackson makes me feel amazing, like anything anyone ever did to hurt me doesn't matter. But it hurts to think that maybe he doesn't like me.

                         * * *

   "Will you be my girlfriend?" Jackson asks me. Inside I'm freaking out what, I can't even speak, some how I manage to choke out a "yes". He wraps his arms around me and hugs me so thoughtfully, and it's right then that I realize something.

  I can never love him the way he can love me. I may be doing better but I'm still broken. I'm not sure I know how to love. I am overwhelmed by my own thoughts. I untangle myself from his arms and run away, and I don't stop. Jackson yells after me but doesn't chase me.

  Everything is falling apart. Jackson probably hates me, I hate myself for acting that way. I am impossible to love, and I need to tell Jackson that.

                         * * *

   I sit on a park bench waiting for Jackson, hoping he'll actually show up. "Macy" I hear Jackson's voice say, and my heart drops. "Jackson, I'm.. uh, I" tears spring from my eyes and I try to stop them but I can't. Then it all comes out in a messy, shaky rush.

    "I'm sorry I left I just, I get scared and block people out and I". I take a shaky breath. "I do wanna be with you Jackson, I just got scared." I say a little less recklessly. "Macy. I can't be with you. It's just not going to work.".

  I can't believe it. I won't believe it. I've messed it up with Jackson. " but why?" I ask in a small voice. "You're a mess, you're all over the place. I can't love a girl as emotional as you." he harshly spits out. It's like a slap to the face. But I don't cry.

  Something powered by anger comes over me. I straighten up look him in the eye and say "if you knew what I've been through, you wouldn't believe that, maybe you should know someone's story before you go around deciding what they are".

   His face is covered in pure shock, and mine, pure satisfaction. He's speechless, for once in my life I feel strong. "so you carry on with your life, but leave me out of it, because I surely don't need anymore assholes in mine" I spit out rudely as I walk away motioning him with my middle finger.

(part 3 coming soon)