Shattered

06

"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted." 

by Sylvia Plath.

The Elders' took days to deny or approve Alpha James request. I wasn't surprised. I believe, if Alpha James wasn't so respected in our world the Elders' would've flat out rejected his offer. I was nervous...although I had stated that I didn't want or need a Lycan...the more the idea sat in my head, the more I wanted it to become real. Without Alex or Helen, what would become of me? I didn't want to trust as much as I did with them...I had my friends and yeah, they were loyal but I felt like their loyalty was more because of pity and not...I don't know what.

I sighed quietly to myself.

My mind was always in constant motion—always working double-time. At least, it was more focused on tasks at hand then the heartbreak I suffered almost two weeks ago. It was mid day and I was currently in a field a few miles from home. I wasn't by myself—My brothers' were pretty adamant on being with me whenever I left the house. Daniel was my company today.

He was sitting in the middle of the field muttering about who knows what. I tried asking him if something was wrong but he brushed it off and claimed it was nothing. Something had gotten on his nerves I just knew it. I was picking up herbs switching between looking at one of the many Herbology books Luna Regina gave me and my own personal notebook. Luna said it would be very wise to keep my own personal notebook with my own notes and stuff.

I was scribbling down some pointers about the differences between a Spring Needle and a Straw Bell. They were very similar herbs with very different purposes. I found that Luna was very right about Herbology, it was very intriguing and very challenging. There were so many herbs to study! Who knew there were so many types of herbs? I found a surprising amount of herbs just in my own backyard.

There must've been so many more in the territory. Just in the field, I've found over thirty types of herbs. Luna Regina also gave me a few books about trees and their leaves and what possible medicinal needs for them. There was much to learn and I had a lot of time on my hands now. I wasn't sure if I was ready to start school again...I didn't think I was ready to face them so soon but I couldn't let my friends continue to bring me my homework (even though they insist that it was no problem to them).

I didn't want to be a burden.

It was a big decision going back to school...some young, rejected wolves opt to get home-school or privately tutored. It wasn't an option for me. I would go to school and I would face my two demons. My wolf whimpered but after a second growl with determination. We would get passed this. We have to. I couldn't and wouldn't live like some shattered, broken wolf.

Maybe I'll always be broken, I sighed again as I put the herbs into my backpack. It was getting late...well, late by my family's standard. I always had to be back before three. I hated being treated like some fragile pup. I mean, I could fend for my own; probably not as much as a warrior but enough to get me out of trouble.

So you think, My wolf grumbled, if a rogue were to get you within his sights you wouldn't last a few seconds.

So harsh, I complained closing my book and my notebook.

I'm being honest. I would not give you false hope that could get you killed, She answered back patiently.

"Are you done?" Daniel asked plucking grass rather angrily. Yup, something definitely was bothering him. I wonder if it had anything to with work. It probably did. He came back from the office rather annoyed.