Saviour (A Larry Stylinson Fic)

Chapter 23: Forgotten

A/N: Sorry this took forever to post but here is the next chapter!

It started with a twitch. One twitch so small not even Harry’s closely watchful eye saw it at first. It wasn’t actually until Louis’ eyes popped open, bugging out slightly, as he was brought full tilt into the conscious world that Harry knew Louis was finally awake. He sputtered and choked on the tube going down his throat, gasping and wheezing for air, his eyes infinitely searching blankly for some grasp on what was happening; where he was. 

Harry stood shocked, unable to even comprehend what was happening until a particularly large cough made Harry fear that Louis would choke and die. Almost on instinct he launched himself forward, sending the chair he was in toppling backwards with a loud crash. His hands fumbled frustratingly with the bed linens as Harry searched for the remote on Louis’ bed. His fingers found the cold plastic and he wrapped his large hand around it with all of his strength, pulling the object from the twisted sheets. He found the large emergency call button and punched his thumb down on it over and over, hoping someone would get there so he wouldn’t have to watch Louis die.

Harry was still in a daze as the door to the room flew open and a team of nurses and a doctor quickly filled the room. He didn’t even notice the people, eyes fixed on Louis, until hands were tugging and pushing him out of the room. He made to protest, pushing and pulling against the phantom force, but it was no good. It was then that he let his eyes trail up to see Shelley before him with a small smile on her lips and a glint in her eye. Harry softened for a second and allowed her to escort him into the hall where she promptly gave his shoulder a firm squeeze and turned back to Louis’ room.

"He’ll be fine. Just wait here." She threw back over her shoulder as she shut the door behind her.

Wait here. 

Wait here? 

How the hell could anyone just expect Harry to wait around when Louis was finally awake? Harry wanted to be in that room. He needed to be there. Right by Louis’ side, comforting him, making sure they took the kind of care of him Harry thought they should. Instead he was here; in a bright, sterile, white, deserted hallway on the other side of a door with no window. This was cruel and unusual treatment it was. Well, that’s what Harry had convinced himself anyway. He knew, somewhere deep down, that this was the best thing for Louis. He needed attention, he needed medical care and he didn’t need anyone getting in the way of that. Knowing this didn’t make it any easier. He paced impatiently in front of the door, his hand finding the doorknob a few times as he braced himself against the door struggling to hear any sound he could. There was nothing, not a breath, not a whimper, not a single voice and it took all of Harry’s strength not to open the door and barge in.

Harry resigned himself to waiting, again telling himself this is what is best for Louis now. It was just so hard to not want to be selfish in a time like this.  Harry had made some profound realizations in the days that Louis was out. With no small help from Gemma, Harry had finally realized that he is actually capable of loving and also capable of accepting love in return. He realized, though he couldn’t fathom why, there were some people who could actually love him and want him to be happy. Louis was one of those people, maybe the only one really, and Harry had destroyed it. He thought that by having Louis, labeling what they were, it would make everything easier for him to accept and believe, but he still couldn’t. He had somehow done everything in his power to fuck it up. He convinced himself he was getting better, that he was happy and didn’t need to use anymore, but it was all false.

He spent too much time putting up a facade and pretending to be better in a desperate effort to keep Louis that he didn’t actually ever try to get clean. He didn’t really try to accept the love and help he was receiving because he couldn’t believe it. He was stupid, blind and selfish, and it took a desperate act and near death for him to realize everything he actually had, everything he almost gave up.