5. am thoughts

School

The next day, at school, I was sitting outside. Just smoking before making my life even more miserable. I felt horrible. Absolutely horrible. Because...I ruined it. I always ruin it. I was two months clean, and now I was 5 hours clean. I felt so pathetic and weak. Which, I probably was..

I went inside

''Good morning, how are you?''

Horrible, hate myself, I feel weak and pathetic and I can't stand you, do you really believe me when I say I'm fine? ''Good morning, Mr. Johnson. I'm fine, thanks. How are you?''

''I'm good, thanks.''

I went to class. Math, great.

Fine. Fine. Fine. I'm not fine. I'm a fucking mess that no one can clean up. I'm drowning, but no one can pull me out of the water. I'm building a wall between me and the rest of the world, and no one can stop me.

When I finally got home, I was so tired that I fell asleep. I was exhausted because of my own mind. It had drained all of the energy out of me. I hate my mind. I hate it so much.

I woke up again at 8 pm. I went onto the kitchen, because I was hungry. I met my dad.

''Hey, honey. How was school?'' he asked.

''Good'' I said, not wanting to talk to him.

''What have you been doing while you've been home?'' he asked happily.

''Sleeping'' I said, hoping he would get out.

''Are you hungry? I can make you something.'' he then said

''I can do it myself.'' I said, as if he thought I was still 5.

''Okay honey'' he said, and finally left.

I made myself some ramen noodles and went back to my room and locked the door. I opened my computer and went on youtube. My friend called. Fuck. She had noticed I wasn't okay.

''Hey'' I said.

'Hey babe, are you going out this weekend?'' she asked sounding desperate.

'Well, I wasn't planning to, but I'm guessing you'll drag me with you anyways.'' I said.

''Yayy, okay, there's a small party at my house. Bring your own alcohol. And some beer pleeaase?'' she asked needy.

''Okay I will, if you promise me you don't leave me this time and go away with some guy.'' I said.

''Ouch. Okay I will. *Cough* hrrm bitch *cough*'' she said and hung up.

Part two outtt!
I'm so exited for this story. And yeah, this has happened. My friends a *cough* hrmm whore *cough* hahaah. I hope you'll recommend this story to someone, because it's my first one..:) Thank youu^^