Words That I Hide And I'm Sorry

I look at you while you're sleeping.
Thinking how lucky i am for having you.

I kissed you while you're sleeping.
Thanking to God that you're the one that i want to spend the rest of my life.

I took a picture of you while you're sleeping.
Saving memories that i want to cherish and treasure so that i can always look for our past.

I think of your future with me.
Realizing how can i be effective to your day without ruining it. Building our house that made of bricks and concrete. Furniture that you like and and a bedroom that you'll be safe and comfortable the most.

I think of how strong we are.
From the day we met to our struggling days. We get through and we win.

I cry while while you're sleeping.
I'm sorry that until this night i'm still crying.
I'm sorry for hiding that i'm still hurt.
I'm sorry for not telling you that i'm still in pain.
I'm sorry for not telling you that i'm still not yet healed.

I'm sorry for making you sad and lonely.
I'm sorry for making you feel that i doubt you.
I'm sorry for being more than a paranoid.
I'm sorry for being possessive.
I'm sorry for being a nagger.
I'm sorry for being a conservative.
I'm sorry that i'm still hurt.
I'm sorry that i still remember everything.
I'm sorry for being not the man you used to know.

I'm sorry for being a failure.
I'm sorry for i cannot fulfill what you desire.
I'm sorry if i can't make you happy.
I'm sorry for not meeting your expectation.

I feel your sadness because of me.
I sense your question that "is this right?" "Am i Happy?" "Am i still Happy?" What if i chose He over Him?" "What if i don't really love him?" "What if he doesn't really love me?"

I'm sorry for not being fair.
I'm sorry for not seeing the best of me.
And i'm sorry for making you cry.

"How can you make me happy?"
Yes, how can i make you happy???
I'm trying, I really tried, I really.
And i hate myself for giving it all but still doesn't have the chance to see that big smile in your face that you can easily give to others.
This is my reward.
And this is my punishment.

       

                                               ~unknown