A small bouquet of flowers on the headstone gently swayed against the wind. A small petal from a rose that fell was close to the toe of my shoe. I flicked it. The open grave was like a gaping dark hole. Part of me wish I was the one being lowered. Lord knows I deserved it more than him. He was a good man. You could tell by the crowd who came to pay their last respects. He always told me, "To have friends, you have to appear friendly." I never understood it. I didn't need friends; he did. He always needed to have someone. I was perfectly fine with being a loner.
A woman from the church wrapped her arm around me, I just stared on. I was numb and even though I knew her I didn't want her touching me. I wanted to run so far away that no one knew me or knew my father. I don't know why. He was always a loveable man. His patience and unconditional love was my leaning posts during my rebellious stage. Being a preachers daughter put a lot of pressure on me to do really bad things. At the time I didn't realize I was just hurting myself.
"Have you heard from your mother?"
My mother? My mother left me at 3 years old on the doorstep of the man that died three days ago. Of course she hasn't contacted me. If she had I wouldn't have answered because I was too busy letting my father's spirit go from this earth into heaven. A lot of people don't believe in this anymore; I do. If there isn't a heaven and hell then what is there to live for? How can there be good in the world if some did not fear eternal damnation.
The preacher spat out verses from Genesis then jumped to Revelation. I hated when they jumped from verse to verse to verse. It was hard enough to keep up with different meanings in the bible let alone where one single verse was scattered throughout the book. My father could outpreach any man. He made grown men of intimidating stature fall to their knees in tears. If any man was in Christ it was that man.
I picked up the rose petal. I placed it in my palm and felt it's silkiness. I caressed it with my fingertips and I slipped it into my pocket for safe keeping.
I felt the woman beside me shift awkwardly. It hit me I hadn't answered her.
"I haven't contacted my mother. She is unreachable. The number they gave me was disconnected. I have no plans of finding her anyway."
Why should I? The only family I had would soon be given back to the earth. It's incomprehensible how a six foot distance isn't much when you're alive but dead its insurmountable.
"You should go see her," the woman advised.
"I will see her in hell!!"
