Love at first laugh

Chapter 1/Podcast #1

Killian's pov

"Dr. Phil"

"Den ne ne Ne ne ne Neeeeee, I want you to get excited that your life, DAAAA AAAA AAAA De ne ne Ne ne ne Neeeee, FIGGHHHHTTT I WOULD FUCKING END HIM."

Emma and just burst out laughing. We were playing this game called fight or give up, where you have a list of names and you decide whether you'd fight or not and give a reason why. And right now Emma's gonna bring her fists to fight a man who isn't even a doctor.

"I would give up, he's got a lot of money and he'll sue me." I say.

"Dude didn't he make 80 million dollars last year?" Emma asks.

"I would swing at him, and I'd miss, and some how have papers in my hands that were served to me. I don't how but he already sued me." Emma just cracks up laughing at me, like always.

"Okay, but like at the end of every episode, his fucking wife Robyn is still hocking us some crap ass fucking beauty line. She's always trying to sell people like this 14 piece skin care, bitch does it look like I need 14 products on my face, ever." I just start laughing. "Like you include all of my makeup, not that many products go on my face, let alone skin care. Bitch, Robyn ya drunk."

Emma and I go all the way back man, to 1st grade, now we're about to be juniors in high school. I don't know how, but it's been fucking 10 years since we met and I've never connected to anyone more than Emma, she is a riot to be around and I love that about her

"Actually you know what, is probably fight him cause look at the last person that fought him, they got famous, but anyway, how would you fight him?" I asked turning to her, we were actually making a podcast for YouTube, it's our first one cause why the fuck not. It's shitty, but so are we so it doesn't matter.

"I would take an open hand, and slap him as hard as I can in his bald ass head and leave a five star imprint." Emma is intense.

"Okay now we have 3 more left, ok our friend Archie." I say.

"Fight, I would rip his glasses off, oh my god immediate disadvantage!" Emma chuckles.

"Well" I start to say but Emma interrupts me. "No don't fight me on this, like if I was wearing my glasses and someone just snatched them off, I would be fucked."

"It would be a disadvantage, but I wouldn't know." She just stares at me with disappointed face.

"Ya, we know, yah got perfect vision. But ya GOT SOME NERVE."

"Okay we got, fucking hell, Neal." I can't even look now.

"FIGHT FIGHT, BRING THAT ASS, NEAL, FUCK JOJO, FUCK CASEY (Jojo and Casey were his dogs), FUCK EVERYTHING, BRING THAT ASS CAUSE YOU GONNA GET BEAT NEAL." We both just break down crying laughing.

"Oh my god, this is turning into the most violent podcast ever!" I finally start to breathe properly again after that and Emma says, "yeah I would fight, I honestly think I'd win. And once I will I'll tie him to a battering ram and fucking slam his head into his precious car door! Like I'm actually crying right now." She wipes of her tears and continues.

"Would you fight?" "Yeah I'd fight I'd bring these fists, then I'd constantly ask him if he wants a fucking ride home like everyFUCKING HOUR CAUSE THAT WHAT HE DOES MAN." I start to yell.

"But I mean he's our friend so it's all in good fun, right?" I ask.

"Yeah of course, Neal we'd fight because we love you." "Neal I'd fight if it meant I got to see you." I say. This so fucking ridiculous we can't stop laughing.this podcast is just us dying laughing.

"Last one, also our friend, Zelena." I know this is gonna be a blood bath.

"BRING THAT ASS ZELENA." Emma claps while screeching that out. "First, id take my arm, then wrap her beautiful, glowing ginger locks around my arm, I'm so sorry this is so violent and graphic and not like me. But I'd wrap her hair around my forearm and then drag her ass across her front yard and the street and tie her up with her hair to the lamp pole, then take REGINA AND SNOW FUCKING EAT A SUNDAE BITCH, AND TAKE TURNS FUCKING PUNCHING HER, it'll be lit. I'd steal her boyfriend, Hades car and run the bitch over FIGHT fight, I'm sorry but is it against the rules to use a spots car?" This is actually the funniest shit I've heard today.

"I'm sorry, do you like Zelena?" I ask watching her break down with chuckles.

"Yeah, but I'd fight. Would you?" Emma finally calmed down. "Yeah, I'd dress in all green then when she got close enough id fucking drop kick her in the chest-"

"No that's not the game, it's if she fucking coming at you like right now." Emma states.

"Oh I'd fucking put her in a choke hold!" I say.

"Well that was what, OUR FIRST PODCAST YAAAY hope whoever sees this just, laughs like at us, not with us but directly at us." Emma says.

"If anyone is interested, we are gonna make podcasts every like Monday or some shit so stay tone for more bitches." I say and that's all, it was our first podcast. I'd say.

I'm such a shitty writer omfg, if this one goes to shit, I'm gonna stop and just go sit in a ditch for years man.