Lesson Learned {Student Teacher Romance}

Chapter 45

Holiday decorations and Christmas tunes are all over Auburn. Everywhere you go are popup tree lots, joyful songs about reindeer, and people lugging extra shopping bags full of gifts.

The Gotliebs and I spent a whole weekend adorning their house in festive garlands along with non-denominational baubles and colorful lights. Then, we constructed a two-story gingerbread house that we covered in puddles of icing and gumdrops.

Over the last couple of weeks, Will has made an adorable habit of dropping by the diner on my lunch breaks. It's getting so that my favorite time of day is when we huddle together in a booth eating fries and chatting about his progress on my mom's case.

We've also been testing the boundaries of our sizzling chemistry by going on more dates, but he has been infuriatingly respectful of my body. 

I couldn't figure out why, either. 

The air practically sizzled whenever we were together and we cannot keep our hands off each other. 

I wanted to give myself over to the combustive heat sweeping my body like a backdraft. I wanted to succumb to the feverish and frenzied passion we shared every time our lips met. I wanted to feel the rigid muscle and toned perfection of Will's naked body pressed against mine. 

Short of literally showing up at his house naked (which Keri has suggested multiple times), I had no idea how to show Will that I was ready to be with him physically.

Of course, there was always his cousin's upcoming wedding. I'll be staying the night at Will's after the nuptials on Christmas Eve. 

Who knows? Hopefully, he'll be a naughty boy and stuff more than my stocking very soon.

Occasionally, I stopped by our trailer to fetch new clothes or to remove anything questionable in the fridge. I haven't spent a whole night there alone yet. 

It's just too depressing.

Heck, I didn't even bother pulling out our tattered holiday decorations. I used to love this time of year, but it felt silly trimming an empty trailer.

With my mom in long-term rehabilitation and getting the help that she needed, I was finally free to plan my future. Unfortunately, I had no idea where to go.

If was lucky enough to attend the University of Washington in Seattle that would mean leaving my mom behind in Auburn. Or what if Will and I got serious? It certainly felt like we were moving in that direction.

I couldn't live my life on hold, but I didn't want to leave my mom behind, either.

A part of me will always be worried about my mom and her sobriety, I just can't help it. She's, my mom.

Which is why I asked Will for a ride to Serenity Rose. He was more than happy to oblige, and a little bit surprised seeing as I hadn't gone back there since we dropped her off almost four weeks ago.

I'd been meaning to visit my mom in rehab, but my own personal demons kept getting in the way.

We still hadn't talked about her not-so-accidental overdose because I had no idea how to bring it up. Losing my mom to her addiction has been my worst fear for as long as I can remember.

Growing up with my dad's murder, I was intensely aware of how easy it was to lose someone important.

My mom's safety and sobriety have factored into every decision I've made.

Was my mom thinking about me when she took all those pills? Was the life we built together so bad that she needed to escape it? 

Deep, deep down, those were the questions that devastated me the most. Those were the questions I was most afraid to ask because I don't think I'd like the answer either way. 

"You doing alright?" Will asks with his eyes focused on the highway. "You've been awful quiet."

"I'm just really enjoying your Nineties playlist," I smiled nervously across the car's center console. "Especially The Verve. Whatever happened to those guys?"

I bent over against the seatbelt to grab my purse and fish out my phone to search for that innocuous information.

"The Verve broke up in ninety-nine before you were born," Will chuckles. "C'mon Moira, what's going on?"

I fiddled with my phone for a few seconds before answering.

"I'm scared."

"Scared of seeing your mom?" Will asks gently.

"Yeah," my voice is meeker than I want it to be.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I waiver. "And yes."

Will bobs his head and reaches over to lower the music.

"If it helps," he smiles. "She looked great when I met with her earlier this week. She was excited about the job training and placement opportunities that Serenity Rose offers people in the program. She was even talking about going back to school."

All of that was news to me. Will usually catches me up on my mom's progress along with her case over our lunches, but I don't recall anything about her career planning.

"Oh, wow," I nod.

"When's the last time that you talked to her?"

"I haven't, really," I mumbled with my chin in my chest.

"Hey, that's alright," Will says gently. "There's no blueprint for what you're going through and there's no right or wrong behavior."

There isn't a hint of judgment in his tone, but I still feel like crap.

"I'm not trying to shut her out or ignore her," I tell him. "I'm just not sure what to say to her."

"Tell her that you love her," he suggests. "People like hearing that."

His Volvo steers through the gates of Serenity Rose and ambles up to the gorgeous Victorian mansion.

Dread has leeched all the warmth from my digits and formed a leaden ball in my stomach.

As soon as the car is parked Will turns to me with a compassionate smile.

"I know that you're scared," he says. "But your mom's going to be thrilled to see you, Moira. She's been asking about you."

I duck my head to hide my shame and surprise.

Will got out to open my door and pulled me into a reassuring hug that I needed more than I realized.

"I'm here if you need me," he whispers into the frosty breeze. "Always."

He kisses the crown of my head and rests his chin there while I snuggle into his soothing strength. Then, Will takes my hand and we walk into Serenity Rose together.

It was freezing cold outside, and yet, I was sweating through my sweater before we reached the front door.

The grounds are decorated for the holidays with pine garlands and ribbon-wrapped holly wreaths adorning every surface and door. 

A massive Christmas tree by the front desk is dripping with candy canes and tinsel. Everything is so beautiful it almost looked like a magazine photo shoot.

Everyone smiles and waves at us while offering friendly hellos to Will and curious glances in my direction.

Will and I sign into the guest book, and he leads me up the winding staircase to the second floor of the mansion.

Upstairs feels much more like a house with several hardwood doors lining the hallway, each bearing a temporary nameplate for one of the residents.

My mom's name comes into view but Will stops before I can knock on the door.

"I'm going to visit with my mom downstairs for a bit," he says with a knowing smile. "Call me if you need anything."

"Alright," I gulp in a breath and steel my spine.

I reach out and manage a few weak raps while Will strolls away.