Glenn Quagmire is an Incubus or Quagmire X Reader X Brian

Best Fiends

Y/N's POV
I was walking down the street about a week later, when I heard a meow. I looked up and saw a cream colored cat walking toward me. It continued to meow and ran up to me happily. I bent down to pet it, and it purred as it rubbed its ear against my ankle.
"Hey there," I said softly. "I've never seen you before."
"I see you've met my new pussy." A voice said from behind me.
Quagmire.
I knew that voice anywhere.
I stood up, and tried not to look at him, but he was standing right in front of me. I smiled and the cat began to rub its face against Quagmire's ankles. I should've known the cat belonged to him, but for some reason it never entered my mind. Quagmire wasn't quite the male equivalent of a crazy cat lady, but he was close enough to be called a crazy cat dude.
"Oh, I didn't realize she was yours," I said.
"Yep, I added another cat to my family . . . while at least that's what I call it," he wore a sad look on his face. "Say, would you like to come in for a drink? Maybe we could discuss this in more detail," he winked.
"No thanks," I replied. "I'd love too, but I have to . . . see a man about a horse!"
After a while, it was the only excuse I could think of.
"Uh, but I'll see you the Clam tomorrow."
He looked down at his cat who was licking herself.
"Yeah . . . sure. See ya."
I turned and walked away and somehow I knew that Quagmire was still standing there, watching me. It was creepy, like I could just feel his eyes on me. It wasn't that I didn't find him the least bit attractive, I did. It was hard not too, but I knew better than to get involved with people like him. I really hated to break his heart and all, but I had to do what was best for myself.
So I got to my house, and Brian was standing outside my door.
"Hello," I said. "I mean hi," I laughed. "Sorry I'm still getting used to the fact that you can talk."
"Haha no problem," Brian replied. "I was just doing my business outside and I thought I'd drop by."
"Oh, that's sweet," I smiled. The way he said he was doing his business was adorable.
"Hey, did you see the new cat walking around?"
"Oh," I said. "Yeah, she's Quagmire's. He just got her."
Brian rolled his eyes playfully.
"Of course," he said.
"Who else but Quagmire?" we both said at the same time and laughed.
"That man hates me, I don't know why."
"Oh, he's just jealous because you're better with women then he is," I said.
Brian laughed. "Am I really?"
I smiled. "Yes, really. You may have less women but you treat them better."
"Hmm, does this mean you'll consider going out with me?"
"I . . . really?" I said.
"Yes, really."
"I'd love to!" I said, and Brian wagged his tail in response.
"Um, are you free tomorrow?"
" Well, I'm going to the Clam with my gels, but we can hang out there too," I suggested.
I was referring to Joe's wife Bonnie, Lois, and Cleveland's wife Loretta.
"Sounds good," Brian replied. "So I'll see you at two?"

Quagmire's POV
So the next day I went to the Drunken Clam to meet Peter, Cleveland, Joe, and Y/N. The day before I had noticed that she was petting my new cat Cheryl, and I invited her in for a drink but she said was busy with something. I didn't quite understand why she declined, no girl had ever done that before.
"Heyy," I said when I arrived at the Clam. "I got a new cat."
"That's nice," Joe said.
"Yeah, just don't use him as a puppet like you did with the last one."
"Actually, it's a girl this time."
Y/N rolled her eyes. "Let's just say we've crossed paths," she said. She looked past me. "Oh, my date is here. See you guys."
I turned jealously, and looked. Peters dog Brian stood at the entrance like he was waiting for someone. Then Y/N walked up to him, and wait . . . he was her date?! Oh come on, of all men, why did it have to be my worst enemy? I hated Brian. Not because I was more of a cat person, but because he was terrible with women. A few times he'd tried to befriend me but I always ended up staying mad at him, and sometimes roasting him. Not that I thought I was way better, I just really disliked him.
"My niece is dating my dog?" Peter exclaimed. "Why didn't I know about this?"
"Why didn't I know about this?!" I replied.
"There was no reason for you to know," Cleveland said.
I watched with fury and jealousy as Y/N and Brian sat down at their own table. She should've been with me. Me. Not him. They seemed so happy together, laughing, and talking to each other without a care in the world. At that moment I would've given anything to be in Brian's place. Okay not anything , but you get the idea.
I just sat there watching for a few minutes while my friends conversation became fuzzy and seemed to fade off into the distance. I saw Brian get out of his seat and head for the bathroom so I took my chance. I walked to Y/N sand sat down.
"Hello," I said. "Decide to switch things up tonight?"
"I'm on a date in case you haven't noticed. And it's the afternoon."
"Um . . . three way?" I was so used to suggesting it that it just slipped out of my mouth.
"No thanks," Y/N replied. "I'm not into that kind of thing."
"I see . . ." I replied. "I'll uh, leave you two alone then." I just stood for a moment then I dashed toward the mens bathroom. I spotted Brian standing at one of the urinals and I pretended not to notice.
"Quagmire," he said.
I turned to face him. It was weird cause I wasn't even peeing, I was just pretending to pee.
"Oh it's you," I said.
"Yeah, what's up? It's been a while."
"What's up?" I said. "WHATS UP? I think you know what's up!"
"What?"
"It should've been me Brian. ME. Not you!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you dating Y/N."
"You think you own her?" I was probably shouting by then but Brian's voice was still calm.
"Of course not," I replied. "No one owns anybody. It's that Y/N chose you, of all people."
I grabbed Brian by the shoulders and pushed him against the bathroom wall.
"She didn't choose me. We're not even exclusive yet." he gasped.
"Oh, I see." I loosened my grip but it was still pretty tight.
"You know, there's a reason Y/N doesn't like you."
"Why?"
"Because you're a pervert."
I seemed to have blacked out at that moment and the next I was on the ground with a bloody Brian underneath me. I realized I had blood on my fist, and Brian's left eye was blackened.
"I . ." I paused. "Brian, I'm so . ." I wanted to say I was sorry but the for some reason the words just wouldn't come out. "Done."
"What?"
"I'm done with you."
"That's it?" Brian got up and brushed himself off. "You punch me in the face and all you can say is-"
"BRIAN!" he was cut off by Y/N's voice calling his name. Then there was a knock on the door. "Brian? Are you ok in there?"
"Uh,yeah! I'm fine. Be right out!" he turned to me. "I can't go out looking like this."
I turned to open the door and Brian tried to stop but I had to get back to my friends.
"Quagmire," Y/N said. It was weird that she called me by my last name, as most women used my first name, Glenn. "Have you seen . . ?" she saw Brian standing there with his face all bruised and almost screamed.
"QUAGMIRE! What did you do to Brian?!"