A Very Personal Tale

I Lived Then, And I Live Now

I lived in a black and white house with smiling neighbors, a dog named Maggie, and, yes, a white picket fence in the front yard.
I lived day after day in a life that, back then, I deemed as perfect.
I lived with you mother who suffers daily from bipolar disorder, a father who has extreme anger at times, a dog who I loved for many years, another who I only knew for a matter of weeks, and a cat that is the closest I've ever had to a soulmate.
I lived through shouting that kept me awake as a child and haunts me every night before I fall asleep.
I lived through lies from my parents, broken friendships, and a damaged heart from seeing so much pain.
I used to tell myself to hide from others, and hide my heart even better. I did this because I knew what would happen if I didn't:
I would end up just like them; just like my parents.

Now, I live in two separate homes where my room always seems to be cold, my outdated PS3 sits in the corner, and where lives began.
I live with the cries of my baby, half sister echoing through the hallways, and I have to force my inner anger away as if it was an irritating fly that never goes away.
I live with the man who caused the inevitable divorce between my parents to finally occur. Since a marriage can't last after vows are broken.
I live hiding my feelings from my mother, since last time I shared them, we went to court.
I live in a home where physical objects seem to matter much more than emotions.
I also live in a home where emotions rule over all, and fights are common.
I live with my fathers anger coursing through my own veins, which sometimes leads to it overflowing onto everyone in sight.
I live with a cat that is still connected to me on a spiritual level, where the smell of incense is usual, and friends are always welcome.
I live with the creep across the street, in the hood where there have been multiple murders only houses away, where both sides of broken family still attempts to thrive.
I live with my hardworking mother, her very loud child, and her boyfriend that I can hardly stand to be in the same room with. Where my hatred sometimes shines through, even if I don't want it to.
I live with my caring father and my cat that supports me when humans can't. Where arguments blossom on accident, and a balance is never present.
I've lived through the tears of my father, as well as his harsh words toward others.
I've lived through my mother's shouting, as well as her mental disorder that seems to harm everyone around her unintentionally.
Even though I have lived through a lot, I'm still living through more each day.

(The picture above is a picture I have in my room of me, my mom, and my dad. This picture reminds me of what it was like to be in a "perfect" family with a "perfect" life. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss those days, so I keep the picture. It sits in my room across from my bed so I can see it whenever I need to; and sometimes I really need to)