Ends of Love

        He was screaming. I was screaming. Everyone was screaming. I don’t know what I was thinking. I knew things would never change. He stormed out the front door and I ran to the door as he slammed it. I pushed past it and screaming his name. He didn’t even look back at me.

“Cody,” I screamed. He didn’t look at me. I stood there shaking as he started his car. My parents were behind me watching as the only boy I’d ever loved was about to drive off, drive out of my life, all because of them. I needed to stop this. I needed to get him back. I had too. I ran over to his car.

“Jasmine, get back here.” I turned to them then back at Cody. His car was on, ready to go, but he was sitting there staring at me. I could have jumped in. I could have road off with him forever. Lived a life with someone I loved, someone my parents didn’t think was good enough for me. Or I could have stayed. I could have stayed with the people who tried but ultimately failed to do the right thing for me. It was too much as once and I closed my eyes. Black tears streaked my cheeks and I wondered how my parents stayed so composed.

        Eventually I took a step, I made a choice. One I could never take back. I remembered how it felt when we kissed for the first time. I remember how sweet and funny he was every time we talked. I remember every party, every fight, every dance like it was all one moment.

        I looked at my parents, at my home, at my life. It had seemed so whole, so concrete until he smashed through the walls. Now all it was was broken memories of when my parents could still make me happy. We’d probably never get back there again. To the place where my dad danced with me on his shoes and my mom stayed up late brushing my hair and telling me stories about how she’d met my dad.

        I took another step hating that each one felt like an earthquake. Did I really ever had a choice? I thought. Remembering all the chances I had to change things. I could have walked away from him that first day in class but then I would have met him at the party. I could have ignored the way he looked at me, the way his voice sounded like chocolate, the  way he walked like he knew he’d never fall but it would have been so hard. Every word he said resonated in every room, in every hall way.

“Don’t you do it.” my dad called. I looked at the car, listened to its revving engine, and thought about the accident it had been in. I thought about the dent on the bumper and how it seemed so much bigger before I have experience being inside the car. With shaking hands I grabbed the necklace my mother had gotten me for the birthday. It had a picture of both of us in there. I was her pride and joy. The perfect child.

        Another step. I thought about the secrets he’d told me, the way he let me in. It was like being part of a secret club, no one else knew what I did. I could never let that go. I let the bracelet drop to the ground.It was too late now. No matter how shiny the car is, no matter how many “yoga classes” my dad took, no matter how many new pools boys they got, they never lost composure. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t turn my cheek as my  dad randomly spoiled my mom with gifts. I knew what it meant and they knew I knew. But then they would get me things like cars, jobs, and the most unforgivable, friends.

        I dropped the necklace and turned away from the car. I walked to her house and the sound of the car’s revving engine got smaller and smaller. Eventually it revved once more and went into drive. The red car busted out of the drive way like an angry animal then it was gone like a star that disappear to quickly for you to make a wish on it. I fell to the ground not being able to take one more step.

“Get up, dear. Your dress is getting dirty.” She said. I ignored her and stayed there. My limbs wouldn’t carry me anyway.  I glared at her at the two people in the door way until they eventually disappeared. They both went back inside. Then it would start again. There would be new cars , new jobs, and maybe even a new boyfriend this time.

        I sobbed so hard I eventually threw up. My eyes were so sore, it hurt to close then. It felt like a black hole had ripped my heart apart. Their screaming played over in my head. I could have ignored the way it rained, how cold it was that night, how dead I felt that night, but then I  would have been reminded of it every time I breathed.