She

REGRETS

As much I hate to admit it. I was stubborn, childish and stupid. Changing countries was probably the best thing for me as I feel I have learnt something that I think I could have gotten close but not fully understood this international mind which I feel is the best thing. I now think before I speak and I actually take into account people thoughts in the way that I try to look at their reasoning.

This is helpful and I wish I could have reached this point without needing to leave London. I miss my attitude (which I am trying to get back), my friends and my craziness. This experience is something that I would advise anyone to do, added to this learn how to play an instrument. I say this last part mostly for emotional support and also because you can be amazing at something you never thought you could. Also helping you feel like you can add values to your surroundigs.

I started playing piano 2 years ago although I do contemporary, I love it. When I practise hard and then I learn a song well. When I play all that work for someone and they tell me how good I have sung or that I make them feel something and it's beautiful, it makes me feel like I have value when everything around me made me feel as though I was worthless, before.

I am chubby and I think this is one of the most important things that probably made this the worst part of this "moving countries". I mean, I now know all girls see themselves horribly even though I see them as "WOW 👌🏽". I saw all the beautiful girls in this private school and tried to befriend them but I just never clicked really with anyone.

I cried from not having real friends, not understanding why those girls were so mean. I was in a really bad place, I'm not surprised I put on weight which only made things worse. I saw all those beautiful girls, with their bodies looking good and them talking about guys they were either going to go out with or just talking about how they liked a guy and how they were texting or talking.

Me being so naive, I was nice and mostly trusted people. In London my "notion" of trust was good, I had thought, because I hadn't met this many fake people.

Now you can jump on me with hate, I'm not saying everyone was fake but for the most part . I couldn't believe it, my view could've been heightened by the shock, of actually taking in everything from the situation.

I don't really know what went on in my head at that time but what I do know is I couldn't find my "group". Now looking back, I obviously see that it was partly my fault and their fault.

No, I know it was my fault. I could've tried to befriend people, I just didn't trust anyone, no one gave me that feeling of secureness in a friendship.

I was filled with what I saw, I am a person who likes to see how people are first rather than show all of me to people. I like to see how people react with their so called "friends".

Since I was quiet, I saw how girls could be so horrible to each other. This I had never experienced, I highlight NEVER. As surprised as you may be. If I haven't mentioned it before, I shall now, I had met maximum 2 "fake" girls in London. Now please don't misunderstand, I am sure that fakes exist everywhere but put yourself in my shoes. I was shocked, upset and did not want to accept this abrupt change of environment.

This being my experience with girls. I didn't understand how the girls treated each other so badly.

In Spain, if you do really badly, you will be held back a year. That was my case. At first, it was like my first awakening to reality and made me crash onto the hard, lonely and cold ground.

Gosh, I'm sorry if anyone is religious, but gosh.

I was down but I was still indifferent in a way as I was in a way happy because I hadn't integrated properly and I don't think I would have ever but maybe now, I don't know really. I never gave them or myself the chance to properly be friend anyone.

When I went to school that first day back, I was shocked to find out that a "friend" more like acquaintance or colleague in my previous year had been held back too. Her name will be Mane. We had been put in the same class, I was more surprised at her being held back really but we weren't the only new students to be entering this class.

Just to let everybody know, I don't remember the time period in which this part of my story occurred but I will tell the basics of this part of my story.

That wasn't such a horrible day actually. I was in the year of a girl I had met the year before and she had been a really nice girl. So I decided to befriend her and we became good friends, even today. She wasn't very social, nor popular and was pushed over by everyone. Her name shall be Palu.

A new girl, named Anri, came and it was nice to have a friend in class or someone who didn't take me for granted in group works and or class in general. She was very social and liked sports, which here is a huge deal, I don't know why to be honest but yeah. As I mentioned, being sporty and social. She was liked by many and so she became to expand her circle which kinda scared me as I hadn't had many friends since I came so I would want to hold onto anyone who came.

Thus, she expanded her contacts in the school and since social people tend to be good with people, she soon became liked by everyone, makes sense really. She befriended a girl who is as fake as Nicky's behind (I LOVE NICKY BUT this helps as my example of how fake this bitch is).