100 Percent

% prologue %

My parents always had such a love for each other. For a while, it was all I knew, all I could imagine. Especially then, as I looked into Lauren's beautiful big blue eyes, a future full of love for each other was all I could see.

I could picture the day we'd marry. She said she'd always fantasized about having a wedding on a beach, and I knew the perfect place. If she agreed, it would be at the same beach my parents had been married on -- Flamenco Beach in Culebra, Puerto Rico. It was my favorite place as a small child before we moved to the States, and I found that the beaches here just weren't the same.

I'd missed my part of the planet very much until I met her, the girl who somehow seemed to possess the whole world in her eyes.

I could picture our kids. One boy and one girl, or more if Lauren wanted. They'd have our blue eyes, their mother's smile, my dark hair, and their parents' love.

"Joshua..."

I was in love, even with the way she said my name with that silky smooth voice of hers. "Yes, Laur?"

Lauren smiled, probably at the way I'd mimicked the softness of her voice, then looked down, toward our hands. Mine rested on hers as I gently stroked her soft skin with my thumb. When she turned it over so her hand now held mine from under it, I lifted her hand to my lips and pressed a light kiss onto her palm.

When I looked back up into her eyes, I saw sadness. Her smile was gone. "Talk to me, Laur. Tell me what's bothering you."

She looked away, toward the wall of her room, and that's when I noticed the picture of us that had been there for seven months was missing. I was about to ask what had happened until she opened her mouth to speak. "Joshua, why..." Hesitation stopped her for a moment. "Why won't you give yourself to me? All of you, everything."

To say I was crushed was an understatement. "Lauren, you do have my all. Every part of my heart is yours. It's all yours." I wondered if my all wasn't enough. Was there something more she was wanting, needing that I wasn't able to give her?

"No, that's... That's not what I meant..."

Realization kicked in. That wasn't what she meant, not at all. She wanted more than my heart.

Both my parents were firm believers in remaining pure until marriage. They'd made me promise at a young age to let that belief be me own and use it to guide me. I'd treated it like a religion. Even my first kiss had yet to be given.

"Lauren..."

"I've found someone, Josh. He's really sweet, and... he knows about you. He likes me. But he said he doesn't want to do anything with me unless, you know... As long as we're still together..."

My heart had already hit the ground. Now it was buried six feet under. "What do you mean? What are you saying?"

Her eyes were emotionless. Her voice was emotionless. "I wanted to ask you one more time. I didn't want to end us without letting you have a say in the decision. I didn't think it would be fair to you if not."

"Lauren."

"No. This won't work, our relationship won't work if you can't..." She sighed. "Love isn't meant to be held back. Am I not worth your one hundred percent?"

I was shocked, caught off guard. The day had been going so well that, although she'd requested more of me before, I didn't expect it, not then. "That's not love, Lauren."

"It's what people who are in love do. Love is more than just words... Joshua, we've been together for seven months, and you haven't even kissed me. Do you really love me?" Her emotions were leaking through the holes in her mask of apathy.

"I do."

She leaned closer, her face only inches from mine as she whispered, "Show me. Prove it."

"I..."

"Can't you compromise, just a little? For me? For us?"

I sighed, defeated, and let her hand go.

"Goodbye, Joshua."

An hour later, when my uncle arrived and found me on her porch, I was still in a state of denial. Half of the ride back to my house was silent until he asked why.

"I'll never fall in love again."

My uncle was quiet for a moment. He knew how much I loved Lauren. He was the only one, really, that I spoke to about my deepest feelings. But then he asked, "My dear Josué... Are those tears?"

I turned to face the window. "No."

"I won't ask what happened because I know when you are ready to tell me, you will. But I will tell you one thing: any girl who causes these tears and this terrible pain in your heart does not deserve it, and you do not deserve the pain giving your heart to her any longer would cause. I know it is harder to do than to say, but I have a feeling you know what you need to do."

"It's already done..."

He didn't say anything more. I knew that meant it was my turn to speak, if I wanted to. So I told him everything, finishing with, "Love might be for my parents, and for you and Aunt Isabel, but it isn't for me. I'll never, ever fall in love again."

By the time I was done, we were in the driveway of my house. My parents' cars were there, which meant they were inside. Uncle Moises and I stayed outside in the car, not wanting to bring the conversation inside so my parents would hear. It was his turn to speak.

"Josué... You just have to find the right person with the right love that you are not afraid of losing yourself -- all of yourself -- in. And I very much do not mean that how Lauren meant it. Love is patient, Joshua. Love does not pressure. It does not guilt someone into doing anything that makes them uncomfortable. When you find that love, you will realize that it was worth waiting for."