I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to... I don't know.
I DO know.
I'm gonna go home. I must have been stood here staring at my boyfriend (well, ex-boyfriend now I suppose) for the past ten minutes or so now so he might be a bit freaked out. Yep. He's definitely a bit freaked out. I can tell by the way he's backing away slowly and the alarmed expression on his face. I think I'll just... go...
I'm walking back to my house now, wondering where it all went wrong. He didn't even tell me WHY he's broken up with me. Maybe I should go back and ask him. Maybe I shouldn't. He's probably still a bit freaked out with the whole staring at him for ten minutes straight thing.
I can't explain what I'm feeling right now.
Upset.
Obviously.
Confused.
Devastated.
That's the same sort of thing as upset, really, but never mind.
And I'm angry too.
Why am I angry?
Why should I be angry?
I'm so angry I've just slammed the front door and made all the china in our cabinet rattle. Thank god mum's not home. He's have a hissy fit if any of that stupid crocery broke.
I'm stood in the middle of the front room now, fists and teeth clenched. I'm ANGRY. I need to inflict my anger onto something. I look around the room for some inspiration. The table will do. I turn it over in a frustrated manner, but it doesn't really help. Plus I don't think mum will be too pleased if she came home to an overturned living room table. So I'll... just... put it back...
And then I'm stood again.
I don't know what to do with myself.
As I walk along our landing and up the stairs, I think about all the things that have happened to me recently.
It's just all going wrong for me.
Not just the Baekhyun thing.
Just everything.
And I hate it.
I absolutely hate it.
I'm in my bedroom now, not really angry any more. Just... sad. I can feel my eyes stinging and a lump rising in my throat.
Oh dear.
I'm gonna cry.
I can remember the last time I cried. I've had a few sniffles every now and then but I haven't properly cried since then. It was when mum told me about what had happened to dad. Even with my goldfish-like memory, I can remember exactly what she said to me, but I won't go into details on that. I wept none stop for four days, never speaking a word. But that was when I was only nine and I never, ever cry now.
And here I am telling you all this whilst I'm stood in my room with tears pouring down my cheeks, watching as they drip slowly onto the floor.
Before I know it, my face is in my pillow and I'm howling, properly howling and letting out all the emotion that's been building up over such a long period of time and not caring if anyone can hear me and my throat hurts already and now my face and pillow are all soggy and I don't want a soggy face, you stupid pillow, so just keep your soggyness to your self, please. I throw it across my room and hear something fall to the ground but I don't care.
After what seems like hours, I sit up and put my head in my hands. The howling's stopped but the tears still flow freely.
And I just sit.
With the tears still falling.
Wondering what I should do next.
... And then my phone starts ringing.
YOU ARE READING
Love, Confusion & A Rather Large Amount Of Pizza
Teen FictionFifteen-year-old Oscar has just broken up with his girlfriend and is desperately upset. Will his addiction for pizza be able to mend his broken heart... or will he find love elsewhere?