I'd try to drink away your memory
But sadly I have a high tolerance.
I'd try to smoke until I was high as a kite, but smoking just makes me tired.
Pills? I take to much already.
You did nothing but try to break me down.
You reminded me of my father when he got high.
Like a monster.
You held my wrist keeping me on top of you.
"Yeah baby you like that? "
As you moved your body against mine, kissing me hard so I couldn't pull away and say no.
Some days I still find myself
Wanting to contact you so I can know if you were okay.
At least until I remember what you said to me.
I remember being on the phone with you as you loaded your gun in the background.
Whispering things like
"If you ever left me I'd kill you and then myself because you are the only one for me and no one is allowed to have you"
Allowed to have me.
Like I'm your favorite toy,
Nothing more than a possession you could play with until you got bored.
I still sleep with my whole body covered in blankets,
Tightly wrapped.
Because the one night I slept without one at your house I woke up naked.
You made me feel guilty any time I wouldn't get you off.
You made me hate my body if I gained even a pound more.
I don't regret leaving you,
I regret letting you manipulate me.
I regret not listening to my best friend tell me you were dangerous when you talked about killing yourself every time I missed your call.
I'll probably never be able to forget you, but I'll never forget that I did get away.
I'll never forget I made the choice to choose myself over a dangerous addictive drug like you.
