The Life She Lived

Part 1

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I exclaimed, running away from the three biggest bullies of the school.
It was a Tuesday morning at Southport Middle School. I always dreaded coming back but, I cared for my education way too much. I walked off my bus and started making my way to the band room until I heard a group of girls whispering behind saying things such as,
"She's such a nerd"
"I bet she hasn't even had her first kiss yet" And so on.
Usually I don't care for people like them, but that's when I realized I heard footsteps coming after me halfway down the hall behind me. I couldn't move a muscle in my body, but I forced my body to a full sprint down the hallway. Moments later I couldn't push my exhausted body anymore. The funny thing about these girls is I didn't know who they were... not even their names, but they somehow knew me. They grabbed me by my back pack and slammed me against the wall closest to us.
"Why were you running from us Jelisa?" she sneered.
I didn't say a word. Looking into her face made a shudder of fear run through my body.
"Answer!" she yelled with a little droplet of spit flying off her bottom lip.
​"I was just walking to the band room minding my business. I'm sorry if I got in your way."
Even though I knew I was nowhere near them. She looked at the others and laughed.
"Do you think you can let go of me... the bell is about to ring and I don't want all of us to be late." I said while still being pressed against the wall.
She loosened her grip and stood in front of me along with the other two girls.
"Get outta here goodie goodie" she sneered as she pushed me away.
I ran away crying softly listening to the faint laughs behind me.
Tears trailing down my flushed face I made a run for the band room. A couple of the members tried to stop me, but I ignored all of their concerned looks. I sauntered into the instrument room with a sigh. Walking in I was welcomed by the smell of valve oil and cork grease. Drying the tears of pain with my sleeve, I unlatched my Yamaha case. What lay before me was the silver Yamaha trumpet that I treasured. A smile tugged at my lips once I saw the shimmer of detailing along the bell. I heard the director calling me from the podium, so I quickened the pace grabbing my trumpet and leaving the instrument room.
I didn't hear much of anyone talking when I was getting my stuff so I inferred that they had been waiting a while. Once, I emerged from the instrument room It seemed as if everyone's eyes were on me. I looked up they all had a look of sorrow and concern for me. I sat in my usual spot and began to shuffle through music in my folder. The first piece the director began to rehearse with us is my favorite piece by Frank Ticheli titled Shenandoah. I felt some type of pressure lifted off of my shoulders listening to the rest of the band playing their parts, while I was faintly counting through rests waiting for my next entrance.
The dismissal bell sounded and I quickly packed my belongings up and headed out of the front gates of hell ... I mean school for the day. I was almost to my bus 'til I heard someone screaming my name it was my best friend Schneider. He seemed excited about something I could tell by the way he was running up to me. I stood and waited for him close to my bus, by the time he reached me he was already out of breath.
He managed to wheeze out a "Hey J".
I chuckled and said "What's up Schneider?"
He wasn't looking at me he was looking at the ground trying to catch his breath. He looked up at me with his response ready, but stopped. His whole facial expression changed.
"what happened?" he uttered.
I replied simply with "nothing, I'm fine"
He must've realized my puffy eyes.
He went in for a hug, but I stopped him and said,
"I don't need a pity hug, I'm fine."
I stormed off towards my bus before he had a chance to say anything. Walking to my bus I felt a hot tear run down my face, but didn't turn back. I walked up the steps of my bus not even looking down I walked to the back of the bus, Before I made it to the back of the bus I felt myself falling. Someone on the bus managed to jolt their leg out in front of mine making me fall face first onto the floor. I let out an ear splitting scream then followed with a series of tears streaming down my face. I opened my eyes and saw the blurred vision of blood dripping from my bottom lip and nose. Everyone laughed no one helped me up, but myself. I managed to get up onto the seat and waited for my bus stop to come along.
I trudged along my street with dry blood smeared on my face from me wiping away the dripping pain from my nose. I approached my house and stood outside for a moment taking in the looks of it. I remember when I was seven years old, the house had a beautiful light brown shade with white trimming along the windows. Now that I look at my once beautiful looking house I see a rundown shack. The walls are covered in weeds that are so thick no one could make a guess on what the color once was.
I took out my keys and put them into the lock of my door. The lock was jammed as always. When I finally got inside I threw my stuff onto the floor and went upstairs to my room. No one was home I was alone with the thoughts that wouldn't leave. I laid in my bed staring at the blank ceiling above me thinking about everything that occurred that day. At some point I managed to drift into a deep sleep. Comforted by the darkness of the back of my eyelids I felt at peace for once. I saw myself in a corner tears streaming down my face I looked like I was in pain. Something dark covered me, but later left... there I hung lifeless from a white rope wrapped around my neck blocking any chance of oxygen entering my lungs.
Suddenly awoken, heaving large amounts of air into my body. I looked around my room cautiously. I felt a drop of sweat fall from one of my curls. I gathered the courage to get out of my bed and make it to the bathroom. Once I was in the bathroom I looked in the mirror... I looked miserable It didn't seem as if I had one ounce of happiness in my body. I turned on the shower and waited for the icy water to turn to a warmer temperature. I stripped my body of its protective layer of clothing. Stepping into the shower I ran my hands through the curly strands of my hair. The warm water of the shower was exhilarating against my skin. I turned the faucet handle to the far left to end my shower, grabbing my towel and wrapping it around my body. I walked into my room and locked the door. Standing in my room I dropped my towel beginning my nightly routine of getting dressed and going to sleep.
The next morning, I tried to get out of going to school, but my mom wouldn't let me. I trudged along the trail to my bus stop. Not long after I heard the tires of the bus stop crunching against the rocks along the dirt road. I quickly got on the bus and sat in the front seat of the bus and waited to approach the school.
I got off the bus and began to walk into the gates that welcomed me into hell ... I mean school. Moments passed, I'm walking by myself down the hallway of the band room when I felt a sharp pain in my side. I didn't react fast enough to block the hit, but as I looked around I saw no one but the three girls from the day before. A feeling of rage surged through my body. Brushing off the burning pain from my side I ran up to the girls and punched the one who pinned me against the wall right in the face. It wasn't much of a bright idea, because seconds later I was on the ground crying from the pain raging from every part of my body. They wouldn't stop. I kept screaming between sobs
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" "GET OFF OF ME!"
There wasn't a chance that my screaming would've stopped them. When they finished kicking the life out of me they left me there on the floor barely able to move. I was already the laughing stock of the whole school in a matter of fifteen minutes. It felt as if I laid there for over an hour, but it was only five minutes until someone emerged from the band room. She let out a slight gasp, I couldn't make out the face through my blurred vision.
I opened my eyes to see the bright light of an emergency room. Confused and somewhat dazed I couldn't figure out what happened. I tried to sit up, but that only activated a bomb of pain in every aspect of my body. I didn't know what day it was or how long I had been out. I looked around the room to see my mother ... only my mother curled up in the corner of the room with a thin blanket that was supposed to keep her warm. I tried calling her, my voice came out raspy but I managed to say
"Mom"
She didn't answer, I tried again I saw her eyes twitch a little this time. I called her name a third time and she opened her eyes and responded with
"Jelisa".
She rushed over to my hand and grabbed it kissing my hand and crying.
She cried out for a doctor saying "She's finally awake".
The doctor came in with a smile and said
"Hello, I'm Dr. Anderson I've been caring for you for the past two weeks."
"I was here for the past two weeks?" I asked. "Yes, you have. We have been treating you for your injuries in the head and chest. You were struck multiple times in these two areas to the point you started having some internal bleeding. We have operated and stabilized your blood levels. Luckily, you pulled through the head trauma." he explained.
I was pretty shocked at the news, but at the same time I didn't really care if I woke up from the trauma or not.
Dr. Anderson proceeded to say "Although you just woke up from the trauma. We are happy to inform you that you will be released from the hospital by this afternoon. We're going to check your vitals one more time and start your release papers." "Alright, Thank you, sir." I said
With that the doctor began to check my vitals and write them down. He told me that my vitals were normal and that I would definitely be released within the next ten to fifteen minutes. Thanking him I turned to my mom who didn't look as good as she always did. She had the look of worry and weariness in her eyes. I didn't realize it, but throughout the whole time since my eyes fluttered open her hand was wrapped around mine rubbing her thumb against my skin. Tears glazing her eyes she leaned over and kissed my forehead.
Interrupting my mom and I's moment, a nurse walked I didn't catch her name, but that didn't matter anyways. She handed my mom the paperwork that the doctor was talking about earlier. Moments later I was being helped out of bed by two nurses, while my mom gathered our belongings. Being prompted to sit in a wheel chair my mom and I was escorted by a nurse to the exit. The nurse helped me into the car cautiously. I shut my door, while my mom packed everything into the backseat. I wish I could help her. A few minutes passed and my mom opened her door and got in.
The only sound that was heard was the road colliding with tires of the car. My mom didn't say a word to me. I wasn't sure if she was mad at me or not, but I didn't have the energy to find out. We arrived to our house I helped myself out of the car, but my mom came rushing towards me.
I shooed her off by saying "it's ok, I got this hand me the keys I'll open the door for you."
A slight smile spread across her face while handing me the keys. I hobbled up the path to the front door, once I was at the front door I jiggled the keys into the lock of the door. I pushed open the door with a heaving breath. When I looked inside it didn't look like our house. It seemed plain something was missing. I turned around to see my mom staring at me tears filling her eyes. I must've missed something I thought. Moving as best as I could I walked up to her and took the bags out of her hands.
"what happened?" I asked questionably.
She looked at me her eyes looked like they were about to overflow
"your father and I... are filing for a divorce." She calmly said
"What?" I exclaimed.
She held me tight a little too tight for my pain tolerance, but I didn't budge.
"Your father and I haven't been matching up how we use to before. Things change, but we can't do anything about it." She said while rubbing my back.
I didn't want to hear any more of this.
"Can you help me up to my room?" I asked.
She nodded.
Walking up the stairs was a bit of a hassle, but we made it to the top of the stairs. I kissed my mom goodnight and went into my room. I looked around my room and saw my laptop opened on my bed. I don't remember leaving it open, but then again I barely remembered anything within the past three weeks. I logged into it and began checking my social media from the past three weeks.
Facebook there wasn't much going on there just my mom posting updates on my health and asking for prayers. Moving on to Instagram I was tagged in a lot more posts. I clicked on the first video. It was a video of me, but there were three other girls surrounding me. I pressed play, within ten seconds of the video playing my mind was flooded with memories of all the pain I went through.
I clicked out of it and scrolled down a little more to come across another video. It wasn't the same one though. I clicked on it and pressed play. It looked as if the person recording was near a window. The camera went out of focus, but regained its crystal clear image instantly. My eyes made out the figure of a female body. She looked as if she just got out of the shower. The white layer that was protecting her nude body from being exposed to the world dropped to the floor. The camera zoomed in on the girl's face instantly regaining its focus. It was me. I felt my body temperature rising at the thought of my nude body plastered all over the internet. I wasn't sure who posted it the account was anonymous... I scrolled down to the comments disgusted by what I was seeing said about me I slammed my laptop shut. Laying my head down on my desk I began to sob. A couple of minutes went by, I stood up while wiping the tears away from my face and looked out the window. I saw nothing but the darkness of the night and the reflection of my flushed face upon the glass. Disgusted by my reflection I shut the curtains, turned off the lights, and laid in bed.
Looking into the darkness of my room I began to drift off into a deep sleep. Looking at the back of my eyelids an image of me formed. There I sat in a pool blood wrist propped on my knee with a razor in my other hand. I looked up to see my eyes lifeless brimmed with tears.
"Help me" I said.
With that I collapsed unable to move.
Waking up in a panic was a normal thing for me at this point. Drenched with sweat I got up cautiously and walked to the bathroom. Turning the faucet to the middle I began to strip my clothes off. Basking in the feeling of water dripping down my body I still didn't feel clean. I turned the faucet more to the right to wear I felt the dirtiness of everyone's comment came off my skin. I stepped out of the shower and wiped the steam off of the mirror with my towel ... I didn't bother admiring myself at this point I felt disgusting as it is.
Ignoring my pain, I still managed to get dress and head out the door to start my day of learning. Walking down the path to my bus stop all I could hear is the sound of my shoes crunching against the dirt. Walking down the road I felt as if the feeling of misery grew inside of me with each step I took. Waiting at the bus stop I was the only one there, which wasn't a big deal I've stood by my lonesome many times.
The bus came a little late than usual. Climbing the steps not making any eye contact I quickly looked around the bus and sat in my usual seat in the very front. Behind me I could hear the slight murmurs of people talking. I knew it was about me, but my mind tried to convince me that they were all talking about different things amongst each other.
The bus came to an abrupt stop at my school. As soon as the doors opened I quickly walked through them. Grasping the straps of my back pack I walked through the school gates. The embarrassment I felt walking through the gates was written all over my face. I could feel the eyes of every student burning through my flesh. Somehow I managed to ignore it. Some of the guys whistled at me as I walked past them, as if I was wearing some form of provocative clothing that accentuates every detail of skin under my clothes. I ignored them along with the others. Walking with my head down ignoring all the pain I felt emotionally and physically I accidentally ran into someone. I didn't know who he was, but I did have a class with him.
"Hey, watch where you're going perky" he said.
"Excuse me?" I said in a questioning manner.
Nothing was said verbally, but his eyes told me what he meant. Following his trail of sight with my eyes he was looking at my breast. Embarrassment and rage ran through me. One-minute I was standing in front of this kid the next I was storming off with a tingling hand.
Somehow I made it through the cat calls and constant giggling of the day, but it was finally the last period of the day. Surprisingly the band kids didn't change their thoughts of me. Walking into the band room with a sigh of relief I felt at ease. I didn't take too long to gather my things this time. The director must have known what was going on, because we ended up playing my favorite piece by Ticheli. Hearing the different chord changes once again put my mind on pause for a couple of moments listening to the low brass's sound hugging the whole ensemble with its warm balanced sound gave me shivers down my spinal cord. Quietly counting rests, I waited for my next entrance.
Band class ended, all of the feelings I once thought I had forgotten about came rushing back into my mind. I wanted them gone... I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. Walking out the front gate I felt alone. Schneider saw me, but I didn't want anything to do with him. Ignoring Schneider, I ran to find my bus. Climbing the steps, I made no eye contact with anybody. I made it to the back of the bus with everyone whispering behind me rather than trying to trip me.
The bus ride isn't as long as it usually is which is peculiar, but I didn't dwell too hard on it. I hurried as fast as I possibly could without causing too much pain throughout my body. Reaching my house, I looked at it one last time just to see if anything has changed... nothing new. My keys jangled as I took them out of the front pouch of my book bag. The keys clashed together with every step I took while walking up the path to my front door. I grabbed the knob and jiggled the key into the lock opening the door into another life. I threw my stuff down on the floor and went upstairs. My mind was finally going to be at peace. Barging into my room, I hastily sat at my desk and wrote:
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry you're going to come home to this, but just know I love you and dad. Look at the laptop next to me if you need more of an explanation. I couldn't tell you up front, because I was too afraid. Here's the password: imworthless2001.
Love always,
Jelisa Hines.
​Writing this letter, it started to hit me. I was going to die within the next couple of minutes or hours. Crying I grabbed my notebook and my laptop I went into my bathroom. Looking into the mirror I looked ready. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed as many bottles of pills as I possibly could in my arms. I sat on the floor of my bathroom and began watching what started this madness in the first place. Grabbing one of the pill bottles, I opened it and began to dump its contents into my hand. One by one I swallowed each one enjoying the feeling of it sliding down my throat. With each swallow it got a little easier to pick up the next. I stopped counting after 20. I couldn't feel anything anymore, which is exactly what I wanted. Watching the back of my eyelids there wasn't any image I couldn't even feel myself bre......
​Flashes of light pierced through my eye lids. I heard screaming and crying in the distance.
​ "Where am i?"