The Love Calculator

Chapter 1 - Open Minded

20th August 2012

To tell you the truth this is not what I pictured when Mum said ‘go get yourself a job’, most sixteen year olds would have gotten a Saturday job down the town, but no not me. I decided the best use of my time would to be to effectively become a teenage agony aunt… but not just an agony aunt, a love calculator. Which is what it says on the tin, I help my friends with their relationship issues no matter how big or small, from what do I wear on the first date to I think he’s going to break up with me. Now, I know what you’re thinking how could a sixteen year old girl have enough dating experience to be the doctor to all of these issues? Well, I don’t. But my rule as the love calculator is that no experience keeps me open minded, and that’s how I found this Job.

So let me tell you how I came to be the love calculator (no I did not choose the name). My closest and most completely and utterly insane friend, Izzy, came up with the idea. She came back from the summer of her life; her words not mine, where she met the boy of her dreams. I of course found this ridiculous for she only went to Devon for a week with her parents but let me tell you she was besotted by this boy, and she’s only known him a WEEK, yes a WEEK, 7 DAYS, how could she be in love? Yes I know I sound cynical but I am really not a romantic, I pick up birthday cards with either the words ‘Happy Birthday’ or just a funny picture on them, who needs a three page poem in a card it’s just so sappy.

Anyway Izzy came back devastated she would never see him again, ‘Flo, you don’t know how lucky you are!’ Izzy exclaimed as soon as she came over after ‘The Holiday’, that’s what we call that trip to Devon now at risk of Izzy going banana’s again about him, and don’t presume we don’t say his name either just Izzy never got past leaving him to tell me his name, so consequently I’m as clueless as you.

‘As lucky as a leprechaun, because I could do to wake up tomorrow and there be a pot of gold at the end of my bed. You see there is me lacking a job issue and I could do with the…’ I would have gone on with my very well thought out sarcastic reply, but Izzy interrupted.

‘No, No, No you don’t understand!’ She squealed, ‘You’re lucky Flo, because you don’t need a boy to be happy where I do and it’s stressful as in I think I’m going grey stressful, OMG I’m going to be grey before I’m twenty one!’

 I couldn't help but burst into laughter, seriously this girl is bonkers! But that’s why she's my best friend. Izzy has this persona which just draws people towards her, it helps that she is also extremely pretty: tall, slender, with curly blonde locks which reaches her hips and crystal blue eyes, most girls including myself are jealous of her. Whereas, I’m her quiet and awkward friend. Although I am just as tall, I am what some would say curvaceous with mousey brown hair which is a pain in the arse to tame, and murky grey eyes. I am nothing in comparison to my best friend.

'Your being melodramatic again Izzy, you know what that means?' I reminded her. We have this rule you see, that if she goes all drama queen on me she has to put ten pence into a pot. I think it’s the most genius idea of my life!

'Oh for flips sake! You know I can't help it, it's just part of my natural appeal.' she giggles placing ten pence into the pot. ‘But... what do you think I should do?' she innocently asks.

‘Well, if I were you...' I thought about it. ‘You need to not worry about him, you go to Devon every year so make it your mission to find him next time. But for now we have two other very important men in our lives, who know how to solve all of our problems...' I say.

'Oh of course how could I be so silly BEN AND JERRY’S? What would I do without my husbands!' We both burst into laughter. I know we're not that funny, but seriously who does not love Ben and Jerry's? No? Well you have not lived because Ben and Jerry's is the best thing to ever grace this world!

 So if you have not gathered, this is how I became the Love Calculator. After two tubs of Ben and Jerry's and a season of Glee, me and Izzy had come up with the plan which will soon be my job for the next two years. 

*******************************************************************