Short Story Wonderland

Desire of the Mind

Left alone with my thoughts
They slowly devour every waking moment
I forget it all
The happy
The joy
The achievements, the glory
As my mind begins to start our daily routine
It's telling me things
Things I don't want to hear
Things I couldn't remember
Things that aren't real
But they are all mingled together
In an endless swirl of consciousness
As slowly but surely
It begins to start
The hours of wet streaked skin
As my body and soul
Give in to it:
My mind
Bite by bite
My consciousness begins to give way to the powerful
And sinks slowly
The traumatic memories rushing back
As if someone had opened the floodgates of my memory
Things I didn't utter a word about
Things that contradicted myself
Things that would ruin anyone for having experienced
Remembering these things
I shudder
And cry
And the cycle begins again
As I shuffle over to the bathroom
My relief awaits me
I take the thing that ends my suffering
If only momentarily
And then
The deed is done
I sob more
The pain of my mind
Heavily outweighing that of the outside
I don't bother to wrap myself up
My sheets were stained beyond repair long ago
I shut it off
The lights
The windows
The world
The noise
The misery
My feelings
It's the only thing that does it:
Makes me feel normal
Except that I can't feel at all