I Don't Think I Can

I Can't

lilo801040

It's my wedding day and all I can think about is him. Katherine is the Queen of Hell and about to unleash it on the world and he's on my mind.There's a change Elena could wake up with the help of Kai and he's still on my mind. Enzo is dead and he's still in the back of my head. I thought this was done we said our goodbyes I shredded the drawing the dresses are hidden in the closet not to be looked at again, he has his life and I mine. I'm getting married to Stefan for crying out loud finally getting the happy ending.
But when I close my eyes I see him bright baby blue eyes that can see right through me, with his dirty blonde hair, tall and lean with that smirk that sends chills all through my body with one look and then he's in a tux standing at what appears to be a chapel aisle, on his side is Kol and Elijah on the other is a smiling Rebeckah and Bonnie it's Bonnie and then I look around at the guests and realize it's my wedding, I'm now staring back at him and I look down and I am now in a beautiful wedding gown more beautiful than the other, music is playing the girls Lizzie, Josie, and oh my its  Hope and they  are all  in little dresses smiling walking to the front aisle disbursing flower petals on the ground, and I'm happy so happy I go to walk to him after the girls are seated and.
Mommy mommy are these okay?
Sure sweetheart, I say dazed from my day dream.
Bonnie comes in the room. Are you okay Care you look she pauses, a bit distracted.
I umm, girls go see daddy and let me talk to Aunt Bonnie okay sweetie, I say kissing their foreheads.
What's wrong Care?
I don't know if I can do this!
What do you mean you can't do this, you'll be walking down the aisle in less than 5 hours?
I thought I could you know I love Stefan and we're happy I think, he's good with the girls but, I sigh when I close my eyes an image my wedding and my future I don't see Stefan's face Bon, when I close my eyes and think of peace and safety it's not Stefan's arms who give me that there not the ones I run into, tears run down my face I want him to be I do but he's not.
Wow Care I didn't, I just thought.
So did I for the most part until yesterday when I finally read a letter my mother wrote to me for when I get married, and I did what she told me to do she said that's how I'll truly know, so when I closed my eyes and stood still he wasn't there.
Who was? If it wasn't Stefan then who was it?
I start to breath harder and harder tears running down my face and I can't breath.
Caroline it's okay you can tell me I promise no judgement.
I repeat the same words that have stuck in my head that he spoke to me the last time I saw him. Elska minn, hugr minn, sál minn, ek elska pik eõs einn dagr ek heita vér vili hafa ávait eõs ávait mein sá á hon ást. Hversu lengi um taka.
And what does that mean?
I don't know it's his last words to me sad right.
How do you know if you have no idea what it means , I sounds very old I can find out.
No! I shout.
Why not?
Because once I know thats it, it could all be gone forever.

Or maybe not.

I'll text it to someone who will know and could tell me, I text it to Kol but she doesn't need to know that, and I ask if he knows the translation. 

He texts back, Wow Bonnie who said this to you I might be jealous.
Not me a friend, and you know you have no reason to be jealous.
I know babe, well it roughly says my love my heart my soul, I love you and one day I promise we will have always and forever but that is up or on you ( not sure) sweetheart, however long it takes, who ever said or wrote this must really love them it's in Old Norse a true declaration of love.
Thank you.
So when will I get to see you?
I'm thinking very soon or at least sooner than later, I got to go love you.
Love you too.
She sits there repeating it over and over like it's some kind of spell of prayer, I tell her the meaning and she jumps out of her seat.

I have to go I have to see him.
I have you go, watch the girls it's not a question it's a statement.
Where are you going Care?
I don't answer I walk outing the room and then run, I take a taxi straight to the airport.
One, one way ticket to New Orleans please I stay still in my wedding dress. She looks at me strangely but I don't care. One the plane I get a bunch of questioning looks but my mind is only focused on one thing, seeing him. At departure I'm walking in the airport trying to find a way to get a car when.
Caroline? Caroline? Is that you? I turn and it's Rebeckah.
What in the bloody hell are you doing here, is that your wedding dress! you should be walking down the aisle like right now !
I cant, I can't marry him, Stefan I cant , I don't love him I mean I do but not the way I should.
She looks at me curiously trying to understand the words I just told her.
Kol walks over when he spots Rebeckah, hey beckah  there you are I've been looking everywhere I though you'd be a baggage, he trails off when he see me and I in my wedding dress.
Oh My Gods, please don't tell me is it, it is you and that means, oh my bloody hell!
Kol what are you Rebeckah tries to talk but I cut her off.
What are you talking about I ask him.
The text Bonnie sent me a few hours ago.
You? I say.
No you he yells with a smile on his face it all makes sense now, great timing by the, you got the whole runaway bride thing going for you, your still in the dress.
Rebeckah looks completely lost. Okay what the hell is going on she demands.
He speaks the Old Norse mantra I have and it clicks for her.
Oh My Gods that why you said you can't , you can't marry Stefan because you, oh wow, well this is just perfect timing for me to come home.
Well let's go home and get him, I'm sure he'll be surprised and it will take him out of his sulking not doubt because of you and what today is or was supposed to be Kol says.
I go even though I'm scared, this time I jump two feet first into life and follow what I know is fate, there's only so much you can do to fight against it but it always wins in the end.
When we get there after getting out of the car I stand in the entrance of the house not moving, it's truly beautiful and elegant very him.
A little girl runs in and Hayley after her. Hayley pauses looking at me in shock , what are you , I can't believe it she says to me.
Mom mom is that the pretty Angel that brings light she asks pointing at me.
He walks in, Hope are you, he stops and notices me instantly staring at me.
I look up at him now so close to me, when did that happen?
Niklaus I , I can't, tears run down my face he's not, when I close my eyes he's not there, he not the one I wake up and fall asleep too, he's not the one I want to talk to when I have a bad or the one I want to tell all about my day to, or when I could be doing anything pops into my head and makes me smile but sad at the same time, and when I think about the future and all the places I want to see he's not the one I see sharing that with, he's not the one that makes me happy to be alive or proud and okay with what I am, I can't, I try to breath and say I can't marry him, I can't marry Stefan, You are the one that when all my dreams come true I want to share my happiness with, and I want Rome,Paris and Tokyo but I don't want to wait a century to have it, and when I close my eyes I see you in an amazing tux waiting for me down an aisle and I see our girls with us, I see myself dancing with you because your the only one I enjoy it with and us drinking champagne because yes that is our thing but we have so much more than that, and I promise I'm not going to run or hide from it anymore but embrace it and you, I was scared but not of you because your not the monster you and everyone seems to think you are I was scared of the depth of what I felt for you but it didn't go away it only grew, and I don't care what anyone else thinks or says anymore because, ek elska pik Niklaus, and with that he kisses me hands in my hair pulling them hands all over me, he kisses with passion, full and hard needing, wanting, exploring my mouth an I him until he slows down and it become more tender and savoury, we part forehead touching looking into each others eyes.

Mom is that the angel of light you said would come and take all of dad's sadness away and in return he gives her peace so that don't have to sad and lonely anymore? Yes sweety his light is here and now she has her dark she says with a smile on her face happy for them remembering the conversation she once had with him and Tyler a long time ago.

I love you Niklaus, Always and Forever don't let me go.
I love you Caroline and I dont plan to ever let go, Always and Forever.    
                   
                                      End