Hermione Granger and That Time When She Was Prettier Than Australia Greenrash

Disclaimer: Well, obviously, I do not own Harry Potter nor am I making any sort of money off this story, though that would be cool. 'Nuff said.

Hermione Granger and That Time When She Was Prettier Than Australia Greenrash

Hermione was doing her homework in the Heads' common room, enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasted, at least while Draco Malfoy, the Head Boy was out. Looking at the clock, she realized it was nearly midnight.

"Guess I'll finish this essay tomorrow," she muttered to herself as she rolled up bits of parchment and stacked her books neatly on the table. She looked at the portrait hole. "Where is Malfoy, anyway? Oh well, not my business." She shrugged, and started climbing up the stairs that led to her bedroom. She heard a loud thud from downstairs, and hurriedly ran down.

There she found Draco Malfoy, face first on the floor, poorly attempting to stand up, and clearly drunk. Very drunk. She couldn't suppress a laugh. Looking at him so drunk and goofy was priceless. She helped him up and set him on the chair by the fire.

"You're drunk, Malfoy," she commented.

"Whattaya talkimbout?" he looked at her drunkenly. "Stupid girl."

"Who are you calling stupid?" she said sharply.

"Not you, Granger. Stori…Grrraash…"

"Come again?"

"Ass…Astoria Greengrass! She's so stupid."

"So you're drunk because of her?"

"She's just so stupid!" he said, not listening to her.

"Oookay. Great. I'm going to bed, Malfoy," she said, standing up.

"No," he said, grabbing her wrist. "I wanna talk about it…Y'know…Man to man talks…"

"Funny, Malfoy. I'm not a man."

"Right. Man to woman talks, then. So sit down and shut up."

"Whatever," she said, but sat down just the same.

"She is so damn stupid."

"Would you stop saying that she's stupid and get on with your story? I'm sleepy, you know!"

"That bint broke up wimme!" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Me! She broke up wimme!"

"And why is that so surprising?"

"Because," he said. "She dumped me. Me. Draco Malfoy. Me."

"Why wouldn't she break up with you? You're an arrogant, self-centered, stuck-up, conceited prat for all I know."

"The quession is, why would she? I'm absoloodley perrrfect! I'm gorgeous! I'm sexy!"

"Says you," she snorted. "Now that you're done ranting about your stupid relationship problems, Malfoy, I'm going to bed."

"You have beautiful eyes, Granger. They look warm. Like chocolate. Like a blanket. Like a chocolate blanket," he said randomly. This definitely surprised her.

"Yep, you really are drunk, Malfoy. Now, run along and go to bed."

He attempted to stand up, but ended up on the floor again. Hermione sighed.

"Come on, I'm helping you up." She took his arm and draped it around her shoulder. Then she lifted him up and walked upstairs. "You really need to lose some weight, you know that?"

With much grunting and heaving, she managed to get to Draco's bedroom door. Deciding that he was not capable of walking to his bed, she opened the door, stepped inside, and laid him on the bed.

"You have nice lips, Granger."

"Erm, yeah. Night, Malfoy," she said sleepily.

Then he kissed her. Hermione was not sleepy now. The kiss definitely jolted her awake. She expected it to be sloppy, but it was gentle, with just the right amount of assertiveness. What surprised her most was that she enjoyed the kiss, and she started to kiss him back. As soon as it turned into a heated snog session, Hermione pulled away.

"Er…I have to sleep…You know, lots to do tomorrow," she said, blushing. "G'night, Malfoy."

"Goodnight, Granger," he said, smirking.

"So, er, bye," she said, turning to the door.

"Wait."

"What?"

"You are loads prettier than Australia Greenrash," he said, swaying on the spot, but still with a smirk plastered on his face.

Hermione couldn't help the smile that crossed her face.

"Thanks."

Author's Note: So...Er...I'm gonna post some of my fanfictions in here, kay? Hope you like 'em. :)