Breakdown

Seized Lives

I am 20years old adult or teen maybe Idk more specifically, pursuing education while handling the business, it's been four years for me being into business. Look business at my place is complete different job, not so hardcore but sometimes exhausting. First of all, I would mention the pros, my place is completely air conditioned, owner is my own dad, my mom makes me great food to eat for lunch and dinner and I need not to worry about future and money, the money keeps rolling in and the cycle goes on. What's matters is my ego, I always loved and dreamt about lavish life. I don't fucking lie I always wanted a lavish life, with a car to drive to college or some shit, hangout with girls, night out and clubs and party. I always to wanted a huge group of friends to be turned in for. Wanted freedom from restrictions of an Indian parent, but life had some other plans bro. I never wanted to work from childhood, it was me who faced excess of hardship, being the youngest son in a high middle class family, now high middle class means rich but thinking still of a middle class people, shared a lot of responsibilities. Well I needed love, who doesn't likes to be loved, I thought whence I get to engineering after 12th I will be in college and all those responsibilities and works will shade of and then I can concentrate on what I really desired, but then life took place and reality hit my parents and they got me into commerce and made me 24/7into business, well now the cons for my work place, I always wanted a warm place not so cold not so hot, but my dad likes the cold so much, my legs start to shiver at many times a day, secondly we have only one place to sit and I don't get any place to sit inside the counter, I spend nearly 12hours of continuous  standing in shivering cold, many times my legs go numb and I roll up a piece of cloth over my toes. All the time, I saw my brothers going to college, their friends coming home and they doing group projects, I noticed it, I saw them, smile and walk by to the office. I was not afraid of studies, I always wanted to stand on my own, but life never let me have what I wanted. Its being 4years now into business, I see my brothers roaming around, having fun, spending money and yet I stay in the same fucking office box 24/7, then one day my elder brother Completes his degree and now the jyotishi does his part saying take him in the same business and so he may live in joy, and now from all these years I seen enjoying, I envy them, and now when they come to the same responsibility, I obviously deserve the highest priority to take their decision as I was working while they were enjoying, if it wasn't me who had worked then had to work and so I got my ego that I worked Instead of them and now I want that respect but in return they get higher treatment than me, I didnt had guts to say on face, but today when I told that you are working below me and you have to work as I work, but then the elder brothers says fuck off and my parents blame me for being a dick. Now when I said my parents I did so much to get fucking respected, all I heard from them was that i was not doing any favor to them and that just broke me up. Overall I failed at gaining respect too, I failed at studying and become an engineer, I failed to make friends, I failed to live lavish life, I failed at everything I ever desired and wanted.