Afterglow

Part 2

Sometimes I wonder how can people differentiate right from wrong – good from evil? I am certain that humans do not have an absolute sense of judgment to tell which is good and bad. However in a war-stricken place, such thing never exists, perhaps. Nothing separates good from bad anymore, whatever principles people are fighting for. Moreover, if you are living in such chaotic place, a place plagued with strife and disorder, you will not remember what is good or bad anymore.

One hour. It has been an hour since the last time I heard the breaks screeching and felt the car crashing against the bodies of soldiers–that went flying right after colliding from our cab. It has been an hour since I yelled at this so-called o'-two to stop driving. It has been an hour and yet it felt like a year. To watch those bodies being hit by this cab is just too much for me to take in for an hour.

This is considered murder, I told o'-two once, a few minutes after the road was soldier-free. He didn't look back or say anything, instead he kept on driving. Maybe this isn't his definition of murder. If this is not ruthless for him, I wonder what is considered brutal for this man.

On one hand, Yuu didn't look worried. It seemed like this whole incident was normal, but I couldn't blame him either. Cloture was a big mess for the past decades, bombing planes always roam above the capital. Soldiers mingled in the crowd as though they were normal citizens, oblivious of the weird glances they get from the civilians. When you see an armed individual walking around the streets, with his long laser rifle hanging from his shoulder, I bet you won't feel at ease. Well, in my case I would be wary, too. It was a sign that the government is heightening its defenses, right? That the threat wasn't coming from the neighboring states, but rather from the inside. The rebels, they were rising against the tyrant.

"Do you not regret taking down the soldiers? You probably have killed a number of them with that impact," I spoke, breaking the silence inside the cab.

I heard o'-two snort. "They won't die even if I burn them right in front your eyes. Machines cannot die."

"Oi, I hope you're aware how creepy you sound there. They're people not machines." Crossing my arms against my chest, I tried to calm myself down. I never planned to spend a joy ride with a savage murderer like him.

This time he began with a laughter. "Don't attempt to lecture me about Cloture's security when you barely know everything, missy. Cloture's technology brought the country to its heights. The soldiers you saw were humanoids. They were avatars of the real soldiers set asleep in SELF. You should ask Yuu about that."

I was cringing at his words but for some vague reasons, I never felt afraid of him. O'-two didn't seem scary to me. Nevertheless, I stayed silent as I could because that was the best pretense I have thought of so far: that I'm cool with all these things when I'm not. It was still hard to believe how my fate changed in a blink of an eye by just riding the tram several hours ago. Had I known it would end like this, I shouldn't have watched the television that morning. I wouldn't let Xin sleep on the sofa and I wouldn't ask Diva questions. I wouldn't ignore Xin's favor to buy her donuts and I wouldn't overthink about all the things going on around me. I should have let the tram pass me by since I really couldn't lift myself up to ride it. If I had gone there by foot, perhaps I would learn that Ardio was under attack. Moreover, it that happened, I would postpone my alone time to go back to the shop and spend the rest of my life tending flowers.

My life wasn't as bad as I pictured it to be. In fact, despite the inequalities in the society, Lower Orders lived a pretty good life. That sort of life which could grant you the right amount of freedom, of course. In Cloture (like in any other places), no one was absolutely free. Surviving the discrimination was the lifelong battle you'd be fighting, so if you would get easily fed up...the rebels would welcome you to the club. Nevertheless, life was okay so far. However, as I thought of this, I felt like puking. This wasn't really me. I was never the type of person who would settle with what was laid in front of you. There was a little voice somewhere in the back of my head telling that we, people, deserved better. We used to have something better than what we were enjoying right now (if you could really call it enjoy, per se). Maybe deep inside my soul, being passive didn't feel exactly right.