Lost And Loved

7. Asleep

We stayed in the living and set up pillows and blankets there for the night. I didn't know if it was because it would be easier for Marley when she wakes up, or if Jackson was too lazy to drag Marley upstairs, but I didn't say a word of protest. I didn't say a word at all.

I felt almost numb since Marley yelled at me, but the kind of numb where I'm completely aware of it and all the other things that I'm feeling. I wasn't used to feeling this way, I never put myself into a type of predicament like this before. All these new sensations felt as if it would eventually kill me, and suddenly, I wonder if this is puberty for my emotions.

After a while of Kena, Jackson, and I shuffling around on the ground to get everything situated- Marley soundly passed out on the couch- everything went silent and still around me, and it was amazing to feel the tension actually grow as I could feel eyes watching me slowly make my nest for sleep. I didn't want to look up and meet the gazes I knew were on me, and I know that they know that I'm stalling, but with better lighting in the house than in my car, I knew they could see that I sat in the jeep crying for quite a bit.

As the silence dragged on, I decided to just tuck myself in, laying on my side with my back turned to everyone else. I was actually laid farthest from Marley, physically using Kena and Jackson as shields. I closed my eyes and wished for my mind to shut the hell up so I could sleep, but of course someone had to say something.

"You know she didn't mean it, Edward." Jackson quietly cuts into the air. "You've got to know that."

"She say's hurtful things to many people while intoxicated." Kena chimes in, and instantly, it feels like I'm being ganged up on.

But I said nothing, in hopes that if they think I had fallen asleep within seconds, they'd stop and leave me alone. I just needed to be left alone.

"You can't take to heart what anyone says while they're drunk." Jackson continues. "I've been with Marley when she called others out, and a lot of the time, she never makes any sense. She just goes for the things she knows will hurt people. Like, a girl with mosquito bites for tits or that one guy in Junior year with bad acne. She just calls out whatever comes to mind."

"She calls out what she feels." I finally mumble before turning on my back to put them both in my line of vision, puffy red eyes or not. "What she said tonight with liquor courage is what she's too afraid to say when she's sober. There's no hope in me trying anymore, and she said it tonight."

Kena and Jackson look to each other with delicate glances and I knew I had won. I was right. There was nothing left to fight for. Marley knew it. They knew it. And now I know it as well. Although I knew it for hours now, the sting of the knowledge didn't cease to tighten my chest.

"I have a question for you." Jackson starts, but when I don't answer and just stare at him, he takes that as me ready for whatever it is he wants to ask. "If a person dreams of something, and I mean literally dreaming it in their sleep, do you think it's pure? Whether they dream of a fear they have, a future they want, of elaborate scenarios only the mind can conjure?"

"I guess I would say so." I say hesitantly, unsure of where he's trying to go with this kind of question.

"I think she dreams of you." Jackson says, and this makes my body tense up a bit. "When she sleeps over like this at mine or Kena's, she says your name."

"Yeah, that's nice." I softly say as I turn back over. I didn't believe him. I know that they think I'm good for her, that my trying may help get the old Marley back, but I was beyond having my mind changed over something Jackson makes up. I didn't want them to know that my eyes were stinging from this new bit of information, setting back all the things I've told myself to harden up my heart and get over Marley.

"It's true." Jackson sighs as he reaches over to turn off the lamp that was still on for us.

* * *

I couldn't find the sleep I so desperately wanted as I laid here for hours on the floor of a strangers house. I still didn't like Jackson enough to call him anything but that.

So instead I lay awake, thinking of my family and thinking of life. Thinking of how I can get through this after tonight, of how I can be okay and that I'll have the support of those I love by my side. I begged my sanity to at least grant me a wish of easily forgetting about Marley when I leave in the morning.

I dreaded the moment when everyone would wake up- when she would wake up, because I don't think I could deal with the possibility of when she says that she meant everything she told me at the party. If I had to go through that again, I would surely break. My mind has settled in the thoughts that would calm my heart. Thoughts of "she probably didn't mean what she said, maybe it really was actually just the alcohol," but I battled with myself on that one because these thoughts would only stir me hopeful, which would cause for a harsher impact on my emotions later if things didn't go the way I want them to.

I didn't know why I stayed, and as I thought of it deeper, I couldn't come up with any reason as to why I should wait until morning to leave.

At this, I rolled myself out of the makeshift bed and stood from the ground, straightening out my clothes. I didn't care what they would say about my leaving in the middle of the night. I felt like crying and I wasn't going to sob in front of anyone but my own pillows.

I manuver around Kena and Jackson and pick my jacket from the rack by the door, shrugging it on and then feeling for my keys. The jingle of them in my jacket pocket was loud in the silence of the room and so I stilled myself to listen if I woke anyone, but no sound came to my ears.

But as I turned and reached for the knob, I heard my name in a soft and delicate call from deeper in the house. I froze with my hand on the knob and turned only my head back to see if someone was standing in the little hall with me, but I was alone.

"E-Edward." The same voice calls again, and I couldn't stop my curiosity from guiding my feet back into the living room area. Maybe I did wake someone.

As I look at the three still fast asleep, I begin looking around into the dark corners of the house from my place in the living room, curious to find who called me.

I didn't know the rest of the house, so I didn't want to venture anymore than here, but I was wondering who could sound so dainty and little while saying my name. It was a sound that was almost bell like, almost a melody of some sort, beckoning me as if I was desperately needed.

"Ed..." The voice faded out and it came from the couch this time.

I move closer to Marley, her forehead creased as she lay in a make-shift cocoon of a blanket. I carefully kneel down beside the couch, and she calls for me again but this time with what sounded to be a painful gasp. Her fingers twitch as her hands lay over her stomach and the movement draws my attention there. I reach my hand out and roam my fingers lightly up and down the back of her hand, but her other hand moved and itched at what I had did. I smile softly, shaking my head at the memories of all the films I had watched where men did that to their sleeping women. It didn't work in reality, it probably felt like a bug or a crawling itch to her.

Instead, I take her hand in mine and move it from her stomach to my chest. She seemed so at peace, even when she looked to be having a dream she didn't particularly like. The crease in her brows told me enough to assume such things.

I lean forward and kiss the creased space between her eyebrows, and I feel her skin relax under my lips.

And then, she whispers my name is a sweet relieved sigh, and I knew I would stay for her.