Darkness Contained

Chapter 1- Memories

Mark-

"Mark. Come on."
I groan and roll over on my side, pulling the blanket closer. "Can't you do it?" I mumble.
"I have work, and I told you not to schedule her appointment for 7:30 because you wouldn't want to wake up. It's now 7:05." Janet says, and my eyes fly open and I shoot up in bed. "Shit!" I say, jumping out of bed and dashing around the room getting dressed. In five minutes I'm ready, kneeling next to Chica by the front door and putting her harness on. Once I have it connected to the leash, I grab the paperwork and keys and kiss Janet on the cheek, opening the door. "Mark."
I turn around to see Janet holding out my phone. "Thanks!"
"Your shirt is inside out." she says. I look down. Sure enough, it is. Dropping the leash, which Janet quickly grabs before Chica can run out the open door, I take off my shirt and put it back on correctly. Grabbing my phone, paperwork and keys, I run out the door. My fingers just wrap around the handle of the drivers side door when I hear"Mark!"
What did I forget now? I turn towards the house to see Janet and Chica standing in the doorway-Chica! I quickly run over, taking the leash from Janet. "Told ya not to schedule the appointment for 7:30." Janet says in a sing song voice. "Yea, yea, yea, see ya." I say, running to the car with Chica and speeding towards the veterinarian as fast as I can.

It's been a few hours since I got back. Janet had already gone to work, so I recorded a few videos. Now I'm wandering around the house, cleaning up. I walk into the guestroom, looking for a spare blanket, when I see a flash of green on the bed, and I freeze, heart jumping. Then I realize, no, it's not him, it's just Chica's green monkey plushie.
I glance towards the dresser, and I can vividly see him there, yanking open the drawer, grabbing clothes and throwing them in his suitcase. I watch as he grabs his suitcase, turn my head as he walks past me, ignoring me, and out the door, but of course, he's not there at all. I take a labored breath, then another. My heart is pounding, when did that happen, and my breaths are becoming quicker, it's hard to breathe, when is Janet gonna come home, I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe and my chest hurts, my head feels light, I feel dizzy, faint, and I still can't breathe. I sink to the floor, feeling as though I might vomit or die, and that's when I notice my hands are violently shaking but I don't care because I can't breathe and I'm going to die and my chest aches so bad.

Everything aches, everything hurts. My mind aches with memories of him, seeping out into my everyday life and making it a nightmare. My body yearns for his touch, any physical contact would send me back, back to the times when he would hug me, when he would kiss me. My heart ached, wanting to hear those words, those fateful words.

I love you.

That all spins through my mind as I hear Chica barking loudly, nudging my arm with her nose as she tried to get me off of the floor. Her barking began to fade, as my whole world did as well.

The next thing I know, there's something wet and cold touching my face, then something warm and rough. I open my eyes to find myself on my back, Chica aggressively licking my face. What the hell just happened? The chest pain, the breathlessness, did I have another heart attack?

Chica barks and whines a small bit, nudging my arms.
"O-Okay, okay.. I'm up." I mumble, slowly propping myself up on my elbows. "What- what happened?" I ask, rubbing my forehead. It's not like anyone could answer, but I still asked it.

My phone starts ringing, though it sounds a lot louder then usual. Did I hit my head? I answer it. "Y-yes?" I hear Janet say "I got work early, I'm on my way home now."

"A-Alright." I mutter, pinching the bridge of my nose. I remember the last thoughts I had, and I squeeze my eyes shut at the memory.

"Mark? Are you okay? You're stuttering."
"Y-yea. I'm fine, just please get here soon."
She says goodbye and hangs up, and I lie back down, not sure if I'll be able to stand on my own. I saw him, so vividly, it was like he was right here...
But he's not here. Hasn't been since the day we got out of the hospital. When he packed his bags and left...
I don't know where he is. I was originally his guardian, after he fell down the stairs, but once I tried to strangle him, that obviously went out the window. After we were released, I was okay to go home, since I'm going out with my nurse/counselor. But Jack... he packed his bags, left, and didn't come back.

I sigh to myself, mulling over the thoughts that came into my head at a mile a minute.

Could I have done it differently?

Should I have done it differently?

I mean... I'm happy with Janet; much happier than I've been with Sean... right? It's been nice with her. She helps me cook, she calms me down when I'm overly pissed.. hell, she even helps me study some Korean occasionally. But, even with my life back on track, it hasn't been exactly easy with Dark breathing down my neck. He seems to be everywhere, always on top of me about that Anti thing. Then again, how are Sean and Anti? Are they doing well?

I glance over to my phone, which is laying on the floor beside me.. One side wants to call Sean, ask him how he was doing and such. I haven't seen him in God knows how long, it felt like an eternity- I think I'd be the right thing. Then again, on the other hand, he probably hates me. Knowing how I snapped his heart in two more than once, like it was nothing, and abandoned him both of those times.

With trembling fingers, I unlock my phone and find his contact. God, I haven't used it in so long, haven't heard his voice...
Quickly I tap on his name, and it begins dialing. As it rings, I feel my heart start racing again, my breathing quickens with each ring, and then I hear his voice. "H-hey." I say, amazed and ecstatic that he actually picked up, that we're actually going to speak to each other, but he talks right over me. "This is Sean, I'm probably busy and can't reach the phone, I'll call you back when I can!" My heart sinks. I'm the one person he won't be calling back.
And for good reason.
Head spinning, I lay back down, feeling that I'm about to either vomit or die.
I'd take the second, if I had a choice.

I stand up and crawl into the guest bed. I set my phone down on the nightstand, sighing shakily. I slowly pull the covers over my head, feeling miserable. I then feel the bed dip, and then hear sniffing noises.
"Hey, Chica." I mumble, peeking out from the blankets. I just want to curl up into a ball and vanish, and Chica can see that. She nuzzled my face, giving my forehead reassuring licks. She let out a soft whine again.

"I know, I know, girl." I say. I need to get up, I can't stay in this bed, where Sean slept. I can't stay in this room, period. Shakily I swing my legs over the side of the bed, getting to my feet and instantly falling back onto the mattress, still weak. Chica barks, and it's a very judgmental bark. "Shut up." I mutter. "I just need sleep.." I add, rolling onto my side. "That's it. Then I'll feel better." I close my eyes, sighing shakily. "Yeah. I'll feel better." I chuckle bitterly. I lay still for a few moments, letting sleep take hold. 'I'll feel better.'

What feels like two minutes later, the door opens and closes. "Mark?" Janet calls, and I mumble something. A few minutes later she walks in. "What are you doing in here?"

I mumble something else, and she comes and tears the covers off of me. I let out a small whine.
"Janet..! I was sleeping..."

She sighs. "In the guest room, at four in the afternoon?" I glare. "I didn't feel well."
Her eyes narrow. "How so?"
"My chest hurt, and I-I couldn't breathe, and I got dizzy, and then I...passed out."
She frowns. "Mark! When were you gonna tell me?"
"I don't know." I mumble.

She sighs, placing her hands on her hips.
"What happened? It sounds like an honest-to-goodness panic attack, but..." she shook her head. I didn't want to tell her what really happened, but I couldn't think of an excuse.. I just sat there, staring at the blankets

"Mark..."
"I was thinking...about Sean...about him l-leaving." I whisper. "Next thing I know I'm dying."

Janet frowns softly, sitting down on the bed next to me.
"I'm sorry, Mark. For what it's worth... I'm sure it won't happen again. I'll always be here for you." She whispered, planting a small kiss on my cheek. I let a small smile appear.

"Thank you." I say, reaching over and taking her hand. "What you need is some fresh air. Clear your head." she says, and I groan. "But I don't wanna..." I whine.

"But you gotta..." she whines back jokingly. "Come on. It'll be good for you! Hey, how about you bring Chica?" She looked to the golden pup, who was laying at the foot of the bed. "You wanna go for a walk with Daddy, Chica?"

Chica whines excitedly at the word walk, getting up and running towards me, staring at me with big brown eyes, tongue hanging out slightly. I sigh, there's no way I can say no to that. "Fine..." I groan, rolling my head towards Janet while I scratch Chica behind the ears.

Chica leans into my touch, then leaps off of the bed, running to the door.
"Look! She's so excited!" Janet giggles, beaming widely. She almost reminded me of-

No.

Not now.

"Yes, yes she is." I force myself to stand and put on her leash. I kiss Janet goodbye and head out.