Me, Myself, and Spies

Chapter 0

   It was a room like a dark, cold cave. Plain and boring, but deceptive. The four slick, featureless, standard looking gray walls were reinforced steel able to withstand the force of a nuclear explosion. The floor was idled with sensors and hibernating dangers. The ceiling was a mild thousand feet beneath the feet of normal people.

It was a room meant to guard secrets and questions and answers. More knowledge than any one person should ever know. One could feel safe in a room so well guarded if they ignored the menacing silence.

   I could hear my heartbeat pound in my ears and the sharp beeps echoing it back. I could see dimly lit numbers change with my breathing. I could smell antiseptic burning my nose. I stared at the deep red of my blood flowing through its new artery away from the rest of my body. As I focused on it, memories flooded my thoughts, turning my stomach inside out. I ripped my gaze away and up towards the reflective ceiling. The action was not at all difficult since I was strapped to a block shaped table in the middle of the room.

   I didn't struggle. Escape would be too easy. I put myself here, willingly, in this position. I wasn't in danger. Or at least no intentional danger. I stared at my reflection in the ceiling and allowed my mind to wander for the first time in what seemed like months.

   "My name is Jasmine Davis," I thought to myself as I studied the girl lying stiffly in the mirror. Her raven black hair. Her pale blue eyes. Studying her restraints I noticed a darker tan skin than before. But despite everything... despite the scars that weren't there before, I was still me.

   "I am not in any danger. I survived. I'm alive. I'm safe now. I'm finally safe." my pulse slowed slightly and I began the long process of keeping myself from breaking the flimsy restraints and bolting out of the underground facility, an option difficult to resist. "I'm just getting a small operation, I know what's going to happen. I'm in control" That wasn't entirely true, but what I told myself next was a confusingly truthful lie.

  "When I wake up, nothing shall change."

   My thoughts were immediately interrupted by the sound of a door sliding open. I looked up to see a familiar friendly face walking though. I smiled, but could barely hide my fear as I saw the surgeons trailing behind him with weapon-like tools following them resting on a simple cart. Seeing straight through my flimsy mask, he reached down and softly rested his hand on my head. He smiled weakly.

"Are the restraints really necessary?" He looked into my eyes and I remembered that I might never see him again. A new wave of emotion hit me, but I managed to smile nonetheless.

"How else would I still be here? You know I can't stand hospitals." His expression turned serious as he too remembered the past months. His tone became stern.

"You can still change your mind. One call and I can get you out of here. We can pretend Incident ever happened and move on with our normal lives" he hesitated before he said "normal". I knew why though, of course. There has been nothing normal about my life, ever, but the Incident happened and it\ would be impossible for me especially to forget. The only way for everyone to be truly safe is I go through with this. This operation has to happen. It has to, no matter how scared I am. It just has to.

   "No. I can't put everyone in jeopardy like that again." I turned to speak to the surgeons who had paused in preparing the sleeping gas. "Continue... please." They did as I asked and busied themselves once again. My mentor spoke to me in a gentle voice, relaying every detail of the operation and even a few side effects. As hard as I tried I couldn't pay attention to any of his lecture. My gaze was locked on the tools, which were neatly arranged and close enough for me to smell the disinfecting solution carefully glazed on them. The surgeons delicately handled the clean white tank and breathing mask that they would use to transport the anesthetic gas into my system. As my guardian put his lecture to a close I once again resumed my thoughts, but with the Incident fresh in my mind.

   "How could I have just let this all happen?" I thought harshly to myself. "I'm supposed to not make stupid, fatal mistakes! Everyone I know could have been killed all because I wasn't careful enough!" I was increasingly mad at myself. When I saw that my guardian was turned away to speak with the surgeons, I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my hands into tight fists, allowing my nails to dig into my skin. I felt like crying as the anger I held back swelled inside me. I wanted the others to leave so they wouldn't hear the angry scream that I was sure to make. My eyes snapped open when I heard the long anticipated words.

"Miss David, the operation is ready to proceed." The tallest of the surgeons spoke. This was it. I forced myself to calm down. My fists uncoiled. My breathing slowed. My heart ceased its seemingly non-stop racing. Panic was something I couldn't afford. After all my practice, it was becoming easier to get rid of. One surgeon picked up the breathing mask from the cart and approached me slowly. His calm stance reassuring, the older surgeon gently placed the mask over my face. The mask covered my mouth and nose comfortably. For a split-second, time froze as I realized there was no going back now. This was actually happening.

The sleeping gas released with a hiss. As it slithered down the tube and filled the mask I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. The circulation continued a few more times until I could barely stay awake. I could feel the doctors remove the restraints and hear the faint murmurs of their voices. Warmth filled my body as morphine was released from the IV. My eyes began to droop. The colors of my vision blurred together. Words jumbled up as I tried to put them together. But there was one last thought in my head. Just before my world faded to black, one last sentence formed in my mind. "My name is Jasmine Davis, and I am a spy."