i have questions

1

After Camila and Lauren's umpteenth argument, Camila went back to their shared apartment to find the raven-haired girl nowhere in sight.

She sighed as she walked into their room, grimacing as she saw the shattered photo of the two on one of their earlier dates. She left the photo and the broken frame and the glass shards lay sprawled across the floor.

Camila hopped onto their bed and grabbed their comforter, thinking back to when they first moved in their apartment and had a childish dispute over which one to choose from the store. That night ended up with them all smile-y and excited that they were actually living together.

Camila took the comforter in her hands and brought it up to her face to take in its scent. Lauren. It reeked of Lauren's scent and she was taken back to when she and Lauren first cuddled and her face was in Lauren's neck breathing in her scent of lilacs. Camila threw the cover beside her and found a lilac colored envelope under the comforter. She took it in her hands and saw her name written in Lauren's beautiful handwriting. She didn't open or pay any mind or attention towards the letter her troubled lover left for her to read. She assumed it'd be another lame ass apology for Lauren's behavior and how she came home drunk and high all the time.

Camila threw the letter on her dresser and trotted to their bathroom. She brushed her teeth and washed off the dried up makeup off her face. She exited the bathroom and grabbed one of Lauren's shirts that went down to her thighs because of how small the brown-eyed girl was.

Camila slipped on foot flops so she wouldn't step in the glass shards she could careless to clean up. She was numb. She was emotionally drained. She was tired of hating herself for being in love with Lauren, even after all she's put her through. She doesn't think she'd ever stop loving Lolo. She doesn't know who the Lauren she sleeps next to is now but she has waited and waited for the sweet, hopeless romantic Lauren to turn up and just hold Camila. She wanted Lauren to cuddle her and do innocently intimate things.

Camila laid on her couch watching friends on Netflix while eating a banana. She sat around and waited for Lauren to return from one of her benders. She waited and waited and as she waited she rehearsed over a thousand times how'd she'd tell Lauren that it was over.

As Camila waited for the green-eyed girl to come home her mind traveled to every argument and every night lo came home drunk or high, looking for sex. She got furious with herself for letting it go on for so long. She was appalled by herself and her will to put up with Lauren for almost a year. In her rage question after question popped into her head.

Number one: tell me who you think you are? You had some nerve trying to tear my faith apart. Who were you to feed me empty promises and convince me you'd get better? Who were you to kiss me and tell me from that small action that you loved me, but it wasn't true? Was it? How could you love someone if you didn't love yourself.

Do you care? Do you even care? Why don't you care? I gave you all of me. I gave you more than I should've. I gave you my blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears. Why don't you care? I was there. I was there letting you cry on my shoulder. I kissed you and took away your pain for a split second but that wasn't enough.

I'm never gonna be enough for you